Audacity

I Go To The Barn Because I Like The

A/N: Please check out this song by Band of Horses, it's really quite beautiful. Simple and melodious, I really enjoy it.

"Well I'd liked to think I'm the mess you'd wear with pride..."

-Band of Horses, I Go To The Barn Because I Like The

As much as you vehemently deny it, I am a mess. I am a mental, quivering, pile of hallucinations, delusions, and everything neatly packed in between the spaces. My mind is a hurricane and my heart likes to set itself on fire just for the sensation. I'm barking mad and quaintly serene, a creek that rustles every which way it flows.

I have a vast range of emotions, even for someone who feels numb three quarters of the time. I feel this peculiar, albeit comforting, sense of hope, knowing that albeit being a ruddy pile of a mess, you continue to wear me with pride. I've been hidden before, it is not pleasant. It feels almost shameful, hiding in the shadows, only allowed out when the sun has cast down and the moon twinkles on the sky. 

I'm not beautifully crafted like other girls, my mind is a beautifully twisted mess. They say nobody is perfect, I'm so far from thus, and it's not hard to believe that I'm a little bit lost in my own brain. I can write a thousand and one letters to you, but nothing truly conveys the depth of how much I appreciate you. Your hazel eyes hold this certain quantity of...well...Damn. Sometimes being poetic and eloquent is lost on me, flitting about like all other talents. I love you, okay? Sometimes I can be really crass and rude and loud and awkward and invisible...But I love you, like I've never loved anybody before. And I'm typing this instead of typing my finals. You must know how importangt you are, if you take precedence over grades, because God knows, I'm fucking obsessed with making my marks.

It hurts all the time, being this creature who undergoes terrors and detest. I'm so lost all the time... I don't want to be lost anymore, don't you understand? I'm so tired of stumbling around, arms outstretched as I reach for something that makes me feel human again. I can't change this...this thing that takes residency in my brain, it's there to stay. But I can say, the stress level is lower than it would have been, had I not had you. 

I know you'll be waiting for me, each nd every time I suffer a treacherous downfall. I know you'll be outside, rain, sleet, hail, and scorching temperatures. You'll be waiting in your very best, and I will wonder what I've done to deserve your graces.

You made such an impact on my life, and I can only whisper my words of gratitude as my eyes start glistening.

You mean the world to me.

I love you, more than I could ever really express through any gestures

Signed

Me

A/N: Hopefully you listening to the song. Read, review, and share