April 23rd, 2014
I don't remember the branch breaking, my scream, or falling. I only remember seeing someone beside me as I floated above the tree, he smiled and said something. Though, I can't remember what. Next thing I knew, I was staring at the sky. Branches were scattered around me and my older sister was panicking. I remember confusion and my mom running up to me telling me to lay down on my back.
Wether or not I was scared is still unclear. All I know is that I wanted to go to bed, like I had always felt, even now I want to just sleep. Maybe my problems will finally leave me alone if I do. Sadly, reality isn't that nice.
For the next month, according to family, I was in and out of the hospital and the doctor's office. I don't remember it. They said it was a concussion. That I would recover without problems. Seven years later, I am beginning to doubt it.
My memories are filled with blank points, days I don't remember and things I have no memory of saying or doing. It's frustrating, when all you seem to do is repeat yourself and not remember. It's a ironic metaphor to history and the cycle of life. Things are always repeated. Everything is a vicious circle.
I hate it, I think it's a curse. Partially because no one tells me I repeat myself, and I know I act kind of mentally handicapped at times (not in a majorly bad form, just lightly). The worst part is frustration. Frustration of not remembering and trying to remember, but also when I am yelled at, or criticized for repeating things. I get so confused and scared. To not remember a day, a week, a month, or hurting someone and not remembering I did. It's terrifying.
I try not to think about it, but falling out of that tree, well, it's a weight and dark shadow on me. I don't know if my memory is getting worse, I don't know if I may have a serious mental problem creeping into my persona and not know it. Anything can happen to a human being, and I think I may be learning that it is a terrifying thing to live with.
