Human Contact, pt. 2

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COLE AND I SPENT THE DAY ROAMING MANHATTAN. IT FELT LIKE A VACATION. Cole radiated simplicity, normality, happiness.

The weather was mild for this time of year, and it was bright and sunny. It took me a little while to get used to the cacophony of voices and visions coming from eight million other people, but before dinner in some white-tablecloth restaurant on the Upper East Side, I had gotten it under control.

I had never turned my phone back on after the plane ride because I didn’t want to deal with the angry voicemails and frantic lists of missed calls from the Winters. They would be back in the Survivors’ City by now, aware that I had gone off on my own while a pack of rogue Survivors was roaming the earth and looking for me. They would call their disdain for my independence a faction of “looking out for my safety” when they lecture me upon my return. They would say traveling together was for my protection. And I would think but not say that it did not feel like a precaution; it felt like chains.

Cole asked far fewer questions than he did in our previous encounters, which was good because then I had to lie or deflect his questions less often. His feelings were not much different than they had been in London, but now he was more wary. Still, his visions of us together were vivid in his mind. I didn’t mind them. They were peaceful, respectful, and normal.

I felt like hitting myself for thinking this way. I had Everett. I loved Everett. His whole family were putting their lives on the line to fight for my family. I finally started to feel guilty for what I was doing. I had come here in need of a friend, and Cole had been that friend. But Everett would not see it that way, though, and who could blame him?

In the cab back to Cole’s, I turned on my phone. A mistake. Forty- seven message in my iPhone’s voicemail list: six from Family 4 (Lizzie), three from Family 1 (Andrew), seventeen from Ginny, four from Adelaide, four from Anthony, twelve from Mark.

There was only one from Everett. I’d listened to only the first two or three seconds of each, but his I listened to in its entirety. “Good thing my heart is already stone because otherwise you running off to Cole would hurt like hell,” his voice said. There was a clear razor edge in his otherwise calm cadence. By far, it stung the most.

But this at least confirmed he knew where I was. I should have guessed Mark would track me. I just thought it might take a little longer. “Everything okay?” Cole asked, as I flipped through some of the voicemails.

“Sort of,” I said.

He raised his eyebrows, asking without actually asking what was going on. I just shook my head.

“How long will you be in New York?” Cole asked, switching subjects and swallowing the frustration of me evading another question.

“Not long,” I said. If the Winters knew where I was, it was only a matter of time before they appeared out of nowhere.

“When is your flight?” he asked.

“Hmm?” I asked, looking at my phone.

“To Europe,” he said.

“Oh,” I said, remembering the lie I’d told, “tomorrow morning.” He had an interesting calm about him when he said, “So you can stay with me tonight.”

I looked at him in surprise. “I have a guest bedroom,” he added quickly, then worried he’d overstepped.

“That would be nice,” I said. As soon as I agreed, I regretted it. I still hadn’t slept since Dallas. The odds were strong that I wouldn’t be able to tonight either. I was exhausted, sure, but I had just agreed to a night of lying in his guest bedroom, wide awake and alone with my thoughts.

“Great,” he smiled, quiet again for the rest of the ride.

I couldn’t help but wonder whether a human life would be this way — lazy weekends with Cole? Holidays with his family in Tennessee? Vacations with Corrina and Felix?

I wanted that so badly. So badly, it hurt. By the time we reached Cole’s door, I couldn’t tell whether guilt or longing was stabbing at my stomach. I was so confused. In the middle of this mess, when my love life was more trivial than it ever would have been, my head was clouded by this confusion. By these feelings. I hated it. And any path I chose would hurt someone. Every path I chose would hurt me. Or maybe it just felt that way. “Do you want to watch a movie?” Cole asked as he locked his door behind us.

“That sounds nice,” I said. I dropped down ungracefully on his couch and stared at the TV as he put in a movie.

Out of the blue, that spot at the base of my skull began to feel hot. It didn’t hurt; it didn’t even actually burn. It just felt warm. Like a human. What was I doing here? I needed to call Everett. Urgently, I felt the need to make things right.

“Hey, I’ll be right back,” I said. “I need to make a quick call.” I went into the guest room and dug my phone out of my bag.

When I looked up, I had to put my hand over my mouth to keep from screaming. 

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