CROSSROADS

Journey in the wilderness

Journey in the wilderness

3rd quarter of 2011

I been in a long journey far from home…

 And it was really my innermost desire until I get there.

I thought it would be easy for me just like any month-long vacation but it was harder that I thought.

A whole day to me was like climbing on a steep hill, evenings were so cold and lonely. Crying times every night and when morning comes, it was so pale, grey that I wanted to washed it with colorful paints. I became envy of my companions get connected to their love ones almost every day missing each other, and find courage to them.

 Late at night I seek God, praying to be healed and be accompanied. It was really hard -even in my study time, and sometimes I found myself staring by the window, thinking of few people,  longing to be reached out by them, longing to be missed by them.  It was then I realized that I already left my comfort zone.

I didn't expect that I'd be leaving home for this journey in the wilderness, because I thought it would be just another green pasture - smooth going.  I don’t know how long it would take to be here. It could be 40 years, 40 months or 40 days? Who knows? But I believe that God wasn’t just giving me the desires of my heart, He has a deeper purpose and plans than on my own.

 Wandering for a deeper purpose maybe, or He just allowed my heart to get a rest, or maybe there's a lesson I should get in the end. I had so many guesses and at night I lay down my heart at His feet, crying over and over again, don’t know what to do, longing to be filled, to be touched, longing for His embrace.

I looked around, and realized that I was not alone; it was not just me in this situation. We were all in the same situation, gathered yet wandering. I wonder if we had the same thoughts, the same hearts and if we will be having the same roads to take. I wonder if all of us will cross the same river. Will we be all in this together?

Along this journey, I found comfort, it was in His altar. It was much more different than meeting Him every night.  Filling with a lot hopes again more than that jar of hope.

Days seems passing slowly but then, I found myself at the bank, in front of me is the rushing river waiting for me to take my first step. I got butterflies in my stomach… I… I… Cant, I said to my mind, my heart keeps beating so fast, so hard. I felt like the river will swallow me, drown me, and washed me away. I'm afraid that I coudn’t make it. Then I remember psalm 56:3 (when I am afraid, I will trust in You)

I take my first step, I finally take the exam!

I felt the water rushing on my feet until it reached my hip up to my neck. Pressures between all the takers like me, the questions seem like drowning me. Their thought seems like pulling me down and here I am again asking will I make it? I'm still In a half way,  I can’t see the bank across the river. Yet I continue putting all my trust to God.

Finally I finished the second set of exam and rushed to meet Him, thank Him for the day has ended. I never thought that there'll be more than I expected in the church. Psalm 16 - the message strucked me through, deeper than I could remember. HE holds my chin and lifts my head, taking all the pressures I had. He set me free and reminded of who I am, and who I am to HIM.

"Yes LORD apart from you am no good thing. YOU ARE MY REFUGE. And all of this I am offering to you, whatever the result maybe, it’s all Yours and no credits will be for me.

I lift my hand, waved it all over and over again, sing praises to Him, singing all that I can, like no one’s listening other than  Him. I am filled once again, and there's no words can described it [words arent just enough].

I went home happily and for the next days, it was filled with joy. Taking all the chances I could before leaving the place, yes I know I leaving the place because I already took my step.

The water was now going down from my neck to shoulders, and I know the bank is closer and I could finally reached the other side.

A moment later, I grasped and grasped, I felt the grass on my hands. Is this really true?  I already crossed the river? Is this really the other side of the river?

Yes! I passed! Number 453!

I crossed another river in my life again, and I thank God for making me made it all through again.

And again there’s no words can describe how grateful I am.

 I bring back all the GLORY and PRAISES to GOD!.

Thank YOU LORD! :)

NOTE:

pasensya sa mga writing errors. and thank you. hope you are blessed. :)