Card Master

i had opened another chapter of my life since the Lioness was siLenced for two fuLL moons. it was just enough to get on with life and start over. Her long silence was perfect for me to forget the pain. I just had to convince myseLf, accept it, forgive and of course, forget.

They aLways say, when a door cLoses another door opens. A door has closed and i kept it closed and i think it is better. Another door has opened but i didn't take it yet.

Life has aLways been unpredictabLe, i never imagined that i wouLd enjoy singlehood so much. But having someone will always give Life its spice. But as i have aLways told myself, I am never in a hurry in almost everything. I am still young but mature enough to handle myself and the situations I am facing and is going to deal with.

I have been into coupLe of ups and downs LateLy. The extreme euphoria and extreme depression. All because of this oLd but new stranger. Let's caLL her The Card Master. She is a good company for a Long time now. She heLped me pick up the broken pieces, gave a priceLess Laughter, coLored my path with yeLLow, and became my good bud! Just one RuLe for our good friendship, from the very beginning"NO FALLiNG iNLOVE". A big sign board hammered and naiLed on her forehead. Card Master was a very good conversationaList. She was a chaLLenge to me inteLLectuaLLy, great chaLLenge. I started opening up my very personaL secrets. My perspectives about human Life and beyond. She amazed me for she understood. She kept amazing me everytime that i easiLy feLt comfortabLe towards her.

I appreciate everything that she does everytime. I hope she feLt it because I wasn't very open about how I really feel. I kept it.

We never missed a day. She's like a smiLey that adds a wink on every broken sentence. I treasured every laughter in the pockets of my heart. I think she doesn't know that. I was too zipped. I regret that.

Days and weeks passed with happy memories. "We don't regress, we move" the card master uttered. I know. It should always be like that. But, I don't know if I am mature enough to comprehend what she meant with it. We had a 365 days agreement. Chances were I couLd look forward for a happy ending or another goodbye.

Everything was going well. Suddenly, an unexplainable storm came. Things were ... cold. I am not the dumbest and most insensitive person existing on Earth so I know if things aren't going well. This Card Master set storm on my land. There was an angry whirlwind of emotions and a very disturbing cold iced rain drops. I didn't exactly know why it happened. I didn't understand her. "Why?" was all I asked because she got me all confused. But then, she just said "It's nothing. I didn't set the storm. Everything is the same. Everyhing is fine. Nothing is wrong".

I let it pass. I let time heal. Things went back to a total candycoated sugar and spice. It was spring, again! Things were blooming. Happy talks and two happy souls. I can see two spirits who really long for each other to be together. One, really willing to wait. I, half fully gave my sweetest. I was still resisting the rumbling cry of giving in. I secretly gave signs to the Master hoping she'll get the hint. I guess she did, but two souLs are obviousLy resisting and are afraid. I, badly built a thicker wall for I was falling fast and the sign on her forehead grew bigger. It was a torture!

Then, in an instance, after I heard the last warm "Love you", death came.

The Card Master's world went cold. It was misty and dark. It was surrounded with a sudden bitternes and thorns, gates of thorns.

I was again, perplexed. "What have I done? What did I do? Did I say something wrong? Did she suddenly hate my past? Did she hear something eviL about me? What is wrong?!" The unanswered questions that gave me sleepless nights. "She got bored? She can't stand my nonsense? She went back to her old Queen?" Questions kept on coming but left unanswered. It is tormenting. I am dying. Another doomed days. Another river of salty streams.

In a dream, she said goodbye. My heart burned to ashes blown away by the winds. She said, "No, it is never gonna happen" but I smell a bitter ending.

This isn't the last chapter just yet but I see another door is closing.

I have to follow rules again with the deadly unanswered questions and the hollow sound of emptiness.

She ain't mine but I am moving on. I wasn't good enough but I am hopeful that I will be someone's best.

My eyes are closing, slowly givin up this empty feeling and start anew.

"We don't regress, we move."

So, I am moving on.

I enjoyed the coLourful ride. I regret not doin some stuff about this but am keepin my caLm. I'll stay shut. I'll shut myself off. It's what I do best. 365 days? - it is now blurred lines.

-this is for my third downfaLL