17 : Go Ahead and Slam the Door

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Demi

Facing Selena as we started to film our movie was tough.. I was driving myself insane.. the film was about two girls who eventually became best friends..

As we shot the scenes where Selena's character was mad at me, I felt like I was really being shouted at.. like I deserved the words she was telling me

I couldn't take it anymore.. I was feeling so bad for lying to her face.. I had to tell her..

Selena was hanging out with a boy from the cast.. he was so cool and really tall. He played the guy who was in love with Carter, Selena's character

I asked if I could talk to her about something serious and Selena nodded as we walked away

We found somewhere quiet and I felt nervous all of a sudden.. I knew I hadn't done anything wrong.. I did feel guilty since I liked it.. but I did the right thing by pushing him away

- So, what's up Dem? - she asked concerned while sitting down next to me

- Have.. have you been talking with Nick? - I asked stuttering and playing with the necklace I had to wear for the movie

- No.. things between me and him have been distant.. he and I barely have time to talk on the phone.. I feel like he fell out of love from me.. - she sighed - why? Did anything happen?

I nodded - Nick and I kissed on New Year's Eve - I blurted out looking up to see her reaction

She opened her mouth - What?

- I.. I really don't feel anything for him Selena.. I swear!.. He was the one who kissed me and for the record, I haven't talked to him ever since.. I'm so sorry - I apologized watching her grab on to her forehead

She started to shake her head - How could I believe him? - she asked with her voice cracking - I believed him when he told me he felt nothing for you

- Selena, I think it was just impulse.. I don't believe he feels anything for me.. I don't really understand why he kissed me.. but he and I will never happen.. I don't feel anything towards him - I lied

Selena looked up at me and cleaned away her tears - Thank you for telling me.. - she quietly said

She then stood up and I grabbed her arm - Are.. are you mad at me? - I asked

Selena shook her head - No.. I appreciate you telling me this.. I just.. I need time..

I nodded and let go of her arm watching her run away

We kept shooting our movie.. I tried my best so that Selena wouldn't be mad at me and we fortunately became closer. She one day went for a walk and came back telling me she broke up with him.. he didn't look devastated but she warned me that she told him that I confessed.. She also explained that he seemed pissed at me and that he apologized for what he had done and that he was also going to tell her today..

We both believed his words..

On January 25th my manager told me I had to go to the Jonas Brothers 3D Concert Experience Premiere since I was in it and I didn't want to cause any drama online

The day of the event I was sick and tired of being around him.. I felt in love with him and felt like I wanted to kill him.. I wanted to hug him and at the same time tell him to fuck off

I needed to be high if I wanted to conceal anything at all.. I needed to feel happy all the time..

Showing up at the theater, I walked the red carpet alone for a while.. Selena knew that I have been smoking before meeting the brothers and she didn't support my decision 100%, but I did it anyways

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