Chapter 10
Noah
Leah’s breaths finally even out and I lie pressed up against her as she drifts of to sleep. Her hand is still holding the ice to her eyes, but its grip on the towel has loosened and I notice it is slowly slipping from her face. She seems so fragile as she lays here, my pillow below her wet from tears. I want to make it better for her but know that the burden of a heartbreak cannot be shared with others.
When we lose someone through death there are always other people to grieve the loss with you. You know that the person is never coming back so your heart begins to heal. Breaking up with someone is different. You’re alone in your grief and you not only have to get over the loss of them in your life, but also come to terms with the idea that they are still out there living a life that doesn’t include you.
Leah wiggles a little and I hold my breath. The ice falls from her face as she rolls to her other side. I move to my back to give her more space, but in her sleep she lifts her head and rests it on my chest as if it was the most natural thing in the world. I freeze and hold my arm up above her as she settles in. Her delicate hand splays out across my chest and then she stops moving and dips back into a deep sleep.
I feel her soft hair as it falls against my chest and arm. Looking down on her in the darkness causes a warmth to spread in my chest. She is different from the girls I date and I am not sure how to handle this. It seems so contradictory to want to protect her from a broken heart while also loving the way her body feels pressed up against me. It has been a long time since I have shared this type of intimacy with a woman. Sure my hook-up spend the night if we get a late start, but they don’t lie in my arms when we’re in my bed.
I can feel the blood leaving my arm that is still being held above her so I lower it against her shoulder. With my touch, she stirs a little but never opens her eyes. I run my had down her back and I’m surprised at how much my body is reacting to our contact. Don’t get me wrong, ALL of my body is interested in her, but right now I can also feel the quickened pace of my heart and the feeling of euphoria as I run my fingers down her hair and pull her tighter against me when my palm reaches her back. A desperate feeling begins to bubble just beneath my skin, pleading with me to turn into her and hold her tightly.
We are friends. I have to remind myself that I am just on borrowed time with her. In the moment it’s hard to stay focused on the idea that she deserves more than what I am willing to give. She still has a few more tough lessons in love to learn and I have long since graduated from that type of learning. It doesn’t matter that my brain is releasing all the feel good neurotransmitters as I inhale her sweet scent and melt into my bed with the warmth and weight of her on my chest. I know that with time, the pain of what will deteriorate between us will win out over any chemistry we share.
I close my eyes and try to block out the thoughts that are racing through my mind. With her in my arms I feel like Superman, but I know that she has the potential to be my kryptonite. I’m usually so aware of touch since I have spent countless hours analyzing every small brush of skin against skin. As I approach the edge of sleep, a small smile stretches across my face as I realize I have unconsciously rested my cheek against the top of her head and curled my fingers around her waist. With the world beginning to fade out to black, I try hard to remember that with love, the higher you climb, the further the fall.
My phone ringing from my nightstand wakes me and I take a minute to find my bearings. In my sleep, my body finally succumbed to the need to turn to Leah and we are both on our sides facing each other, wrapped in a tangled embrace. I can’t see her face since my head is slightly above hers and I wonder if the ringing has woken her also. I feel her tense in my arms and I know that she’s just as surprised by our current position. I reach for my phone and clear my throat before answering the caller.
“Hello.” I try to focus on the conversation, but Leah wiggling to get out of my arms pulls my attention in her direction instead. I release her and roll onto my back.
“Hey, Noah. Sorry to call so early but I was in the neighborhood and decided maybe you would want some coffee. I’m down stairs if you are interested.” Mandy is a hot undergrad at the university. I met her in line for coffee one morning and we were in bed by that evening. Since then, we have hooked-up a few more times. It was her call that sent Jen out of my apartment the time she collided with Leah on the stairs.
I think for a minute what I should do, but I don’t have to consider it long when Leah jumps up from my bed with wide eyes and red cheeks. She is embarrassed about cuddling with me in her sleep and before I can say anything she mouths “sorry,” and quickly turns to dash out of my room. I’m left lying in my bed alone with my body wanting to finish what was started in our sleep.
“Uh, sure Mandy. Sounds great. Come on up.” I hang up the phone and then make a quick trip to the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I leave my room I can hear the shower running in the other bathroom. I wonder for a moment if Leah will be upset, but then remind myself we’re just friends and this is my apartment. A knock at the door lets me know she is here and I invite her in.
“I think I remember you liking your coffee black, right?” Her voice is a bit nervous so I smile.
“Yes, that’s how I like it.” I reach for the cup she is offering and stall a little deciding that watching her make the first move is a lot more fun than me doing it. I watch as her eyes dart across the room and focus on the bathroom door.
“Is there someone in there?” I nod my head and her eyes fall to the floor.
“A friend.” I slide my arm around her waist and kiss her forehead. Her hand reaches out and touches my bare chest before trailing down to the waist of my work out shorts. She tucks her fingers just inside the band and looks back up into my eyes.
“So do you want to go finish the coffee in your room?” My brain takes this moment to imagine Leah in the shower and I know that I would rather be heading back to my room with her instead of Mandy. My body reacts to my thoughts and Mandy presses closer to me assuming I’m interested in her.
“Sounds good.” I put my coffee down on the counter since it really was only a way to get into my apartment and coffee never tastes good after brushing your teeth. Mandy sets her down as well and wraps her arms around my neck. I let my hands slide down her body and grip her behind her thighs. She takes my small cue and wraps her legs around me so I can carry her to my bed.
Her lips are on mine and I move towards the door to my room. Right before I open the door I hear the click of the bathroom lock right before the door swings open and a steamy half dressed Leah emerges. I hadn’t noticed that I had broken the kiss with Mandy until I hear her clear her throat. My head is turned facing Leah and I close my eyes for a second as I turn back to Mandy. I’ve never promised her anything but casual sex, but I feel bad that my attention was so quickly drawn to Leah.
Instead of the drama that would have ensued with Jen, Mandy pulls my lips back to hers and ramps up her hold on me. She is doing it on purpose to mark her territory and while that would normally piss me off, I think it might be for the best if Leah is disgusted with my actions and decides to stay away from me. God knows I can’t stay away from her much longer.
I push my door open and then close it behind us with my foot, causing it to close more loudly than I wanted. Mandy giggles as I throw her onto the bed and I know she thinks she has just scored some small victory. I on the other hand feel like I have just ruined a small part of my growing friendship with Leah and instead of my heart speeding up with the excitement of Mandy in my bed, it aches with the pain I might have just inflicted on Leah.
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RomanceLeah's dreams of a happy forever with her boyfriend come crashing down when he leaves her to pursue his education far away from the school she just committed to. She is still holding on to hope that he will realize his big mistake. She may have a...
