If Only

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His smile was sickening, as he brushed my hair to the side; it made goose bumps rise on my flesh. My heart stopped, dead in its tracks, and I held my breath. After the initial shock faded, I did the sensible thing; and clawed at the door. 

Everything I am doing is breaking my father's rules. Never panic. Think the situation through and try to make a plan of action. Instead, I desperately tried to get the lock up, with no prevail. I kicked the door and started to scream while banging on the glass. Even though I knew this would not improve the situation, I did it. I should be conserving energy for a well thought out attack, not banging on the glass. No one would hear or see me and the glass was probably ten times stronger than I was. Desperate circumstances call for desperate measures, though.

Francis had made a sharp turn and pulled over to the side of the road. He hit the breaks so fast that I almost went flying through the windshield, I guess in my panic I had taken off my seat belt. Right before my forehead would smash the glass, he grabbed me by the hood of my sweatshirt and pulled me back. My body hit his with such an impact that made me see stars for a second.

He held his hand and over my mouth, to stop me from screaming. His ragged breath on my neck is what snapped me out of my dazed state. I started thrashing around, kicking uselessly at the window.

I heard a small whine come from the back seat.

"Stop it now Haitlin," he said dominantly. He held me tighter and restricted my movements. Olivia's tiny cries soon subsided as she fell back asleep. I don't think she could see us since she was laying down, but she undoubtedly heard us.

He loosened his grip, for only a split second, but I took my chance. I used all my strength to pull away from him, but he reacted quickly. I started clawing at his hand, not the best line of defense but it was something. My screams were muffled through his thick hand, though. Then I remembered I had teeth. With those teeth I chomped down, hard, on his palm and made him curse and let me go.

I am not going to be taken away from my entire life without putting up a fight.

Instead of trying to flee, I raised my elbow and hit him in the groin. Then I tried to grab his keys and unlock the car, but I couldn't reach them. The only way I could get to them is if I reached completely across him, but that would leave me too vulnerable. It was too risky to even try. He soon started to recover, so I started kicking at the door again; trying to get it open.

In a matter of seconds he grabbed my arm, whipped me around and pinned me to the seat of the truck. My back was pressed into the fabric of the seat, and I was still with fear. He had pinned me so easily that I couldn't even put up a fight. My arms were pinned above my head and my legs were trapped under his knees. His large body caged me into the seat, like a fragile bird in a cat’s paw. The warmth from his body seeped into mine as he kept me in that position for what seemed the longest time.

His eyes rarely left my face when he pinned me like this. They coldly looked straight into mine for a few terrifying seconds. I felt like his harsh eyes were undressing my entire life, like he knew my flaws, weaknesses, and phobias. When I looked into his eyes, all I saw was darkness. I was a small beam of light in a completely shadowed world, where everything could see me, but I could only fret over what lies in the cold abyss.

I heard Olivia start to whine again, we must have woken her up. With his free hand, he reached into the back seat and started soothing Olivia. I was still too petrified to scream, so he lulled her to sleep and turned his attention back to me with no interruptions.

"Don't ever try that again," he harshly whispered. He lowered his face a mere three inches away from my own. I could see small scratches on his face from my nails. I have to say that made pride swell up in my heart. I did good… while getting myself in more trouble. That is besides the point, though.

"When I get up, you will put your seat belt back on and not make a sound. I don't want to hurt you, but if you don't listen then you will have to be punished. No more screaming, kicking, or putting up a fuss, alright?" he asked. I was scared speechless. "Alright?" he said louder, and with much more force.

"Y-yes," I stuttered.

He sat up and scooted back into his own seat. For a few seconds I was stunned, and slightly crushed, until I finally sat up. I shakily moved back in my seat and as far away from him as possible. Francis stopped and watched my pathetic attempt to put on my seat belt. My hands shook terribly and I couldn’t get the stupid this to click into place. Eventually, his steady hands reached over and locked my seat belt into place. My whole body was trembling now, and I felt hot tears daring to spill over my eyes.

He reached down and picked up the discarded coat I had thrown, and placed it back over me. I continued to tremble, even though the car was toasty warm. When he realized I was trembling out of fear, and not cold, he tried to comfort me.

"I am sorry Haitlin. I didn't know what else to do; you were going to scare Olivia. I promise I will never hurt you, but you can't act up! There is nothing to be afraid of," he pleaded as he pulled back onto the street. 

I wanted to run, but I couldn't. I wanted my mom and brother, even my dad. My lip started trembling and I couldn't hold it in much longer. A straggler tear ran down my face, and then the waterfall of tears quickly followed.

I turned my head in hopes he wouldn't see my tears, wouldn‘t see how weak I was. I saw my reflection in the window, and I looked hopeless, maybe because I was. My silent tears rolled down my face and plopped onto his coat that covered me. Eventually, I had to sniff, and I heard his knuckles tighten on the steering wheel. It only made my teeth start chattering.

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