All Over Again • a Lexa/You Fanfiction

eighteen » deserve

It wasn't long after my brain was fried and my heart began to ache that I found myself walking to an unfamiliar place. At first it was just wandering, trying not to make sense of my thoughts and trying not to ignore them. Just merely exist. However, when near the highest point in the tower, I was walking a route I was familiar with.

I tied my hair up in a ponytail, it still wet from my wash, and pushed a wooden hatch upwards when in the room I was searching for. There was a ladder leading towards this entrance, and as I climbed up and through it, I realised I was on the roof of the tower.

My eyes widened with surprise when I was met with the sight of a bench up here. But it was who was sat on the bench that surprised me the most. It was the Commander.

I hesitantly approached her, though if she knew I was there, she made no note of it. I ignored the slight chill that was nipping away at my exposed arms and took a seat next to her. A small gap was between us, yet I could still feel the warmth coming from her.

She was looking out ahead, the view of the sun setting over Polis beautifully before us. The sky was fading into orange and reflecting onto the brunette next to me like a spotlight. Her skin was glowing and her hair looked golden. She was beautiful. I lowered my gaze and saw her hand absentmindedly playing with a paper. I didn't get to inspect what it was however, because she glanced my way.

Her eyes were dangerous up close, I'd learned that very quickly. They could either stir up a fear inside of you or freeze you with their mesmerising emerald colour. I wasn't sure which was happening right now.

I had to say something. Anything.

"Why is the bench really wonky?"

I closed my eyes, internally cringing at my question. I couldn't have asked her how she was? Why she was sat by herself on a rooftop?

When I opened my eyes, she was no longer staring at me. My question was valid, despite how random it was. The bench we were sat on was built awkwardly, with the back part hammered in too far back, making it impossible for the person sitting on it to lean back comfortably.

"It was built this way," she answered shortly after, her voice soft and travelling away with the wind as soon as she spoke. "You used to come up here a lot and decided to build a bench so you would have something to sit on."

I stifled a chuckle. "I should have thrown it away if it turned out this bad."

"...you wanted to keep it," she said, quieter this time. "You thought it would make for good conversation whenever we came up here."

My smile faded away. "Yeah..."

There was an awkward silence between us again. Or maybe it was just awkward for me. I did come and ruin her private time. Maybe I should have left. But then I saw the paper in her hand more clearly upon a glance. It was creased and teared and there was dirt on it. And it was the photo of her and I. The same ones in my mirror in my room and the same ones I crumpled and stood all over upon our first meeting.