epilogue

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1 week later

Today's Peter's funeral.

Alex is here with me, holding my hand.

I told him that I had to go do something, so now he is letting go.

I'm walking up to the casket. It's closed, apparently the body was too messed up and Peter's parents didn't want to see it. 

I wanted to see it. 

I wanted to see Peter, even if he isn't alive. I need to see the light freckles that dusted the bridge of his nose and his soft curls again.

But it's not up to me.

"Hey Peter," I whisper, setting the envelope down on the casket. "I brought you a note. I know it's stupid because you can't read it, but I did it anyways. I just want you to know that I'm not mad at you anymore. Um, here's the note. Goodbye Peter. I love you." 

Dear Peter,

I never thought I would miss you this much. I think there will always be a constant ache, but that's okay. 

I got your note in the mail. It really helped me actually. I'm not angry at the world. Or you. Or myself. I'm happy.

Alex and I are together now, and he makes me happy like you used to. I think I love him, but I also love you. Maybe in another life we could have been together, but I'd like to think if we were truly meant to be together, we would have been.

The universe is weird, Peter. For the longest time you thought I was the one who needed help. And maybe I did, but I wasn't the only one. I could have helped you, but I was too caught up in my own drama to notice the boy I cared about was hurting. I won't blame this all on me, I've been trying to be kinder to myself lately, but I wish I had done more to help you. I want you to know that you are loved and you are missed.

Thank you for all you've done for me, good and bad. I miss you so much it hurts.

I'll never forget you, Peter.

Love,

Mia.

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