A Day To Live

A Goodbye

To my son and husband which I love the most,

By the time you read this I'd probably be on my deathbed. I write this at the night of our feast because I knew for myself that I'd die the day after. Death was waiting for my sorry ass soul. I saw him on the ceiling light staring at me blankly, seeing me breathe my last few breaths; I was hallucinating of my own taking. If hallucinating wasn't a sign enough for my close death, I don't know what will be. I could barely feel my own skin from the cold of the night or the warmth of burning wood. My bones creak after I lift a finger; I was more brittle than the rear side of our wagon. I was already getting weak and that no food may bring me my strength back.

I just want you both to know that I love you unconditionally and that even if I'm a spirit, I will look after you on all the bad days and cold nights. There was never a day where I forgot both of you. It was never your looks, no offense, that made me proud as a mother and a wife. It wasn't the reason why I was grateful of you both. It wasn't the reason why I never forgot your faces. It was your soul. Your free and unadulterated soul. I felt being the luckiest woman in the world to find two of them and the fact that one was a part of my own being; my son. I always feel happy and alive whenever I'm around you two; never a dull moment. I lover you both and you two were lucky to have me. I'm a one of a kind woman, after all.

After my death, I'd let you two take care of my most beloved things, aside you two, that I left for you. These are very dear to my heart, mind you. John, my wonderful and amazing husband. Promise me that you'll fix the wagon. In the name of He, it's very uncomfortable and it felt like an earthquake everytime we go out with it. Never sell it. It was with us before Aden even came. It was our home when we had nowhere to go, our dining table, our bedroom, our third member of the family at the time. It will always represent us. Take care of it.

Aden, my amazing and ravishing son. Before anythingh else I want you to do this: marry. Marry the one which you truly love. Leave your father be, he knows how to live this world. Don't worry about him but never forget to visit. You always worry of us both and because of that you'd never had the chance to enjoy your yout but there's still time.

Son, I want you to take care of the flower fields. As long as a single flower stands in the hill, I'd always be alive. Never let anything stand on the hill. Have faith a you'd see why the field is very special to me. From the dancing daisies from the distance, to the raising beauty of the sunflowers. To the ecstatic smell of the lavenders, to the blinding colour of the roses. It's the reason why I agreed to your father to buy the house. Not because a hunting ground is near, it's because the field is surreal.

With all said and done, I just want you guys to remember this: I've never been a great woman, never been a queen of shit or the most beautiful whore of town but I can safely tell that I'm the happiest.

"Love, Mum." Josh muttered as he read the last two words. Tears was trickling through hius cheeks, he didn't know what to think. He should'nt have read it yet, not this time.

"Aden, son, may you carry me out of the bathroom please, It's hard to stand at my state"

Aden wiped the tears out of his face and hoped that his mother wouldn't notice; but she did. Aden trollied Jane and himself to bed. It was as if a procession. A Death walk, metaphorically.

ONE DAY LEFT. ONE FUCKING DAY LEFT.