My first time in a psychiatric hospital.

Finding out

As soon as I arrived on the children's ward at general hospital, I soon found myself in a medical room having my weight taken, my vitals, my bloods checked, my stomach checked, how well I could stand etc. I felt intruded. I couldn't understand why this was happening to me.

Shortly after tests were run, I was told I would have to stay in overnight as my blood results wouldn't be back same day. Why I couldn't have gone home during that time, I don't know.

I hadn't eaten that day, I told them that, so they made me a bowl of Frosties and a cup of pure orange. Typical hospital food - awful! Needless to say, I didn't complete what was put it front of me.

I was taken to my bed in a bay of six. I can't quite remember how many other young people there were that night, but I wasn't alone.

I don't remember much, it was all so blurry. All I really remember was forceful staff members assisting me to drink these awful supplement drinks when I wasn't touching the food, or not completing things. What they gave me was like thick apple juice, it left stringy bits in my mouth. It was rancid! And I hope I never have to touch one again.

Moving on, the next day my camhs worker came to see me. My mood was so low, I was barely talking. But obviously I kept saying how I didn't want help (typical me). I was saying things that would alarm anybody. I was actively suicidal, I had plans, I had a stash of pills, blades and I had clear pictures in my head of what I was going to do. My worker soon mentioned the likely hood is that I would be admitted into a psychiatric hospital - most likely Ancora House, as there are four eating disorder beds there.

The next day, staff on the children's ward informed me Ruth (my worker at camhs) had been on the phone. Ancora had a bed waiting for me. And that I was to go in that day.

I didn't know what to think, I couldn't believe it. It was one thing after the other. I was simply shocked. They were urging I go straight from the general hospital, but I kicked up a fuss and argued that I wanted to go home to pack my things. I didn't want ANYBODY ELSE to do it. I wanted to do it!! I hate people touching my stuff and going through my belongings, I was having none.

So once I had the all clear to leave and I got my discharge papers, off I went home to pack my belongings. I had no idea how much to pack or WHAT to pack. I had no idea how long I was going for. I didn't know if it was for a few days, a few weeks... I had no clue.