The Guy In The Dress

The Guy Falsely Accused.

I slurp happily on my smoothie that we had purchased from the cafe. Heather and Alex are walking behind me, acting like two boring adults and chatting away intensely. I can still hear their nattering so I turn up the volume on my earphones, blocking out the world. It's a pretty nice day so the sun shines straight down on my face whilst I slurp on the smoothie, practically skipping along the path intune to the beat of the music. 

I hum along to the lyrics merrily, happy that Snow has gotten her rage out and that I could finally be Cooper. I suppose it's not until the next song that I really loose my concentration of where I am. 

"Is it still me that makes you sweat? Am I who you think about in bed?" I add a little booty wiggle as the song continues, keeping my eyes entirely closed. 

"When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch his skin." Queue a finger snapping motion with head rotation. 

"I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck." Insert sexual thrust around about here. Just as I'm about to jump into the chorus, I fall. Flat on my face after tripping on something. My earphones tumble out and I hear laughter surrounding me. Basically all the people that had decided to walk around today saw my little display. All of them are laughing. I don't let myself blush or get embarrased. I was just expressing myself. No biggy.

I stand up and take a bow. 

"Thank you, thank you," I say loudly and flash them a smile, "now if anyone would like to donate to my charity of deaf whales, please do put money into my hands for my fabulous performance." I hold out my hand. Several people walk past - giving me a vicious high five. Others lose interest and leave, giggling. Others just stand there - waiting to see what I'd do next. 

I see Heather and Alex standing there, looking at me with wide eyes. I bow to them. "What are you two waiting for? An encore?"

They both nod. I roll my eyes and look at my discarded smoothie which is spilt all around the pavement. I sigh and pout.

"I really liked that smoothie." 

Alex whacks the back of my head. I yelp. "What the hell was that for?!" 

"For being an idiot," he replies simply. 

"You're an idiot," I reply and stomp on his foot. 

"No, you're an idiot." He pushes me back. I narrow my eyes and glare at him.

"No, you're an idiot," before I get the chance to propel myself at him and bring him down in a badass tackle Heather steps in between us. 

"You're both idiots." We stay silent, noticing the sterness in her voice. "Now that we've established this fact, can you bring me to see Callie?" 

Alex and I raise our eyebrows at her, "see Callie?" 

"Yeah, so I can explain to her about what's going down," she gives me a look, "and to see if you really are a sixteen year old kid who's doing this for his injured sister."

"I'm not a kid," I pout yet again. 

"No, you're a baby," Alex makes a snarky remark. Keeping my expression entirely serious and on Heather I swiftly elbow Alex in the gullet before Heather can say anything.

Alex doubles over and grunts, "yeah, we'll bring you." 

I come up with a great idea, "and I'll bring Callie her homework." 

A few hours later and we're pulling up outside of the hospital. I notice that my mothers car is outside and also remember how her nor Callie never called me. Douches. I let out a snort of laughter, just as I thought of the word douches I saw a couple being carted off to a ward. Oh God, does Callie have to piss into a douche? I snort again. Hope so. Heather looks at me with a raised eyebrow. I give her a dismissive hand and point into the ward in front of her. I go in first to see my sister much like she was the last time I saw her. Except this time she was clutching a bowl of strawberry ice cream and intensely watching some reality TV show. She doesn't notice me coming in. 

"Hey, give me some of that," I say and make my way to the ice cream. Callie's face is one of shock as I stick my fingers in the ice creamy goodness. 

"Cooper you are so gross!" she scolds me. "My icecream!" she pouts. Now you know where I get it from. 

"Oh darling sister of mine..."

She rolls her eyes, "what do you want, oh annoying brother of mine?" 

"I want you to meet someone," I beckon Heather to come in. She skips into the room and over to Callie. She swats my arm. 

"So you're not a rapist." 

My mouth gapes, "and you thought I was?" 

Callie rolls her eyes and scoffs, "as if Cooper would be a rapist in a girls sorority. He'd go for the guys." 

Alex chuckles from the back of the room. I glare at Callie. "How many times must I express that I'm not gay!" 

Everyone in the room is silent. "Well... you do kinda act it..." Heather says slowly, as if afraid of offending me. 

"Is there a way to act gay? Not my fault I'm fabulous."

"Coop, you just said fabulous..." Alex says to me, warily.

"Your point being?" I pause, thinking about it and face palm myself, "Oh god..." 

Callie and Heather share a giggle and Alex a chuckle.

"Right, I'm going to hunt for a smoothie that I killed earlier before I get falsely accused anymore." I stalk out of the room and wait outside the door to see if they say anymore about me. I have a habit of doing that since I was a small child and overhead Callie and my mom talking about me as soon as I had left the room. 

"Is he always that... extravagant?" Heather asks. 

"Yup. Has he done that thing where he dances and sings in public when his earphones are in?" Callie asks. The bitch. 

"That's how the smoothie was killed," Alex concludes. I give up and leave because Heather has gone on the explain how she found out and whatnot. 

I just severely hope that they don't talk about the size of my dick. Seeing as Callie is evidently a pervert who spies on her unsuspecting brother.

*

Omg I'm so sorry for the late upload! D:

This chapter is pretty uneventful but I thought it was kind funny. 

The song of which Cooper was busting his nuts to is Panic! At The Disco: Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off. It's in the sidebar thing. >>> 

A few things that I would like to address:

1) a few of you asked how could I write this and that I must have a great imagination. My response? Holy shit, really? I just write what my humour has told me to write. To be quite honest, this is one of the stories of which I have never had to think about when writing. I just write and low and behold, you have the hilarious tales of Cooper... Plus... the dancing thing happened with me in the middle of a town square with the same song... my ice cream was no more ): 

2) Thank you so muchy for reading :D Comment, vote and do whatever sexual things you would like to do to this story. I'm sure Cooper would like it.

Bye<3