A collection of short poems and limericks by Carey Saunders aka doggerelmonger
The senior's tale
There's a tablet for my water,
And a capsule for my veins.
There's tablets for gall bladder to stop me having pains.
There's glasses bought from Specsave to let me see once more,
And an amplifier digital to hear the resident bore.
But best is Mother nature to smell and see and touch,
So old age does not seem so bad --- much.
On a Cumbrian Limestone pavement
I smell sweet crushed herbs,
I hear goldfinch, great tit and blackbirds,
I feel chill wind on cheek and sun on bald head,
I walk on crushed sea shells aeons ago laid,
I am alone and at peace.
Until....
A socking great Eurofighter roars overhead scaring me witless
Foreign Assignment
My burger was made in Taiwan
Flown here by Air Pakistan
I bought it at Tesco
And ate it alfresco
And threw up in lavat'ry pan
Meeting House (the first line quote is a notice within the Friends Meeting House where we meet)
"Porch room and toilets upstairs"
To help us with U3 affairs
We come here to study
Our brains are so muddy
We learn while growing grey hairs
In our time
There was a young hoodlum from Perth
Who should have been strangled at birth
His parents said no-nos
But he got lots of asbos
It's not really a matter for mirth
World Trade
My Hoover was made in Penang
Hauled over the seas by Pan Am
I bought it from Curry's
To ensure for no worries
But it still flashed blue and went bang
NEWS October 2008
The news today was full of doom
Of breaking banks and darkening gloom
When will there gleam some hope again
Of maidens saved and dragons slain
It really is the nastiest stuff
I'll turn the dreadful radio off
Grief
I buried Jess years ago
I haven't a great lot to show
I try to remember
That sad cold November
But t'was only a goldfish you know
Killers at loose
His fourdrive was in the third lane
He hit the child's car with all pain
He did what lots do
Trailing far too close to
Do these folk have any real brain?
Stagflation - Again
The price of my house has gone down
The cost of my food's provoking a frown
We struggle on pension
It's all crappy tension
When will things pickup, not go down.
OR
The property market is crashing
The prices of food etc are thrashing
We've been here before
Our parliament's a bore
When will they learn about costing
Petrolheads
My car is a frugal small Nissan
It's slow, fuggy, and not lissom
We try not to carbon
The earth with our driving
But it's tough to see fourdrives still passing
Bargain hunting
Bargain hunting's not for me.
I'll take BOGOFFs - get one free.
Sales Winter Summer Spring.
Can this really be the thing?
Or is it just a cunning plan?
Filling pockets of market man.
There's sweaty crowds in Sale shops.
Shouting, pushing, we need the cops.
Keep the peace, quell the noise.
Surely I'm not the only voice.
Wait till shops are quiet, nice.
I'll meekly pay the higher price.
Haikus are
Frail like snow in June,
Pithier than a whole orange,
A poem in a sneeze.
Morecambe
Winter sun in Bay,
Eyes slit, watering in glare,
Quiet now - not in June.
Whaling 21st Century
Minky now dead,
A slab of meat in the hold
Science it's not
