ASHRALD One Shots

II: That Boy

You'll know who I'm talking about here. In my world, this was what he was going through during the 3 weeks in the US that he was roommates with our Baby Boy. Hope you guys like this. Comments please.

***

He is not okay.

Not that life’s kind of tragic. In fact, it has actually been satisfactory. He is enjoying an adequate amount of fame, he can do what he wants to do, he can buy most of the things he likes, and he’s been with the same sought-after girl for quite some time now.

He believed that life could not get any better than that.

Until he learned that she has truly, completely moved on.

From him.

He can’t quite explain it. It seems like he wants her to smile again but not have that kind of smile that could send such a strong punch to his chest. He wants to see the twinkle in her eyes again (the ones that he used to see before he stole the laughter in them) but not witness that spark as if she’s truly content and happy without his presence in her life. He wants her to love again but not see her love that hard. Like she is now.

It’s like he wants her to be able to  let go but still have some sort of claim to her.

And so his life has been some kind of a freaking show lately.

There’s never a day that has gone by without him hearing “Are you ok with her being with him?” or “How awkward is it for him and you these days?”

He just shows his well-rehearsed smile for all of them to see and responds calmly. Must show the world that I’m completely over it..over her, he thinks.

And so he got the world convinced. He smiles for everyone who dares to ask. He smiles for him and her until he feels some semblance of sincerity. He smiles until he feels the sneer disappear.

He tries to laugh but it’s forced and bare and drains the life out of him.

He hears her laughter just then (her soft, musical laughter that never fails to make him smile.. still) and realizes that it’s that time of the day again. He shifts in his bed and discreetly looks at his friend. What greets him is her beautiful, beautiful face on the monitor. He shuts his eyes and counts the seconds until he feels that burning sensation spread in his chest.

What he hears in the next minutes are her trademark giggles and some incoherent whisperings between her and his friend. As if their lying next to each other and not several thousand miles apart.

Deep inside, the fire rages on.

He opens his eyes again (just because he’s a self-confessed masochist) and finds his friend smiling so widely at the monitor.

“I miss you,too. Sobra sobra na kitang miss” he hears her say softly.

“Alam ko. I love you, Baby Girl.” His friend says with so much affection. He feels his hands clench with barely restrained frustration and annoyance.

“Good night,Ge. I want to see you the first day you get back ok? Hihintayin kita.” She says with a laugh, saying I love you back in that distinct way of hers (because he knows, he just knows how she is when it comes to these things). Her words squeeze his insides and he fights the urge to sit up just so he would not gasp for air.

He closes his eyes and he goes back to that moment in time before all the heartbreak and the chaos that came after it. That moment in time when she was his…all his.

“I’m going to love you forever.” She kept on saying while touching his face on the monitor back then (because yes, she was that kind of girl, that kind of girl who was so innocent and loving and willing to be with him forever.)

The reality that those words are now reserved for his friend cuts right through him.

“Good night, Sarah” His friend replies, breaking his own pained thoughts. “I’d be on your doorstep the first hour when I get back. I promise. I miss you. At mahal na mahal kita.”

“Di mo na naman ako patutulugin nyan eh. Good night. I think you’d be in my dreams tonight.” She says with a giggle.

He wills his eyes to open but squints them in a failed attempt to stop the tears. He bites his lips to stop the scream.

This was what he always wanted, right? This was what he asked from her. And now he’s paying the price.

Because from here on out, he’ll always be known as that boy. That boy who caused her nothing but so much grief and heartbreak.

He will never be that boy. That boy who’d do anything to pick up the shattered pieces of her heart and make it whole again. That boy who’d go through hell and back just to be with her.

He will never be that boy who changed everything and made a difference.