Gone

" Hey, where are you? I know you'll rub this in my face for the end of time, but I kinda miss ya x"

" Did you lose your phone again? or are you in your "zone"?"

" Wait, are you mad at me? :("

" You know you're going to have to get back to me eventually, don't you? Or, I'll just keep bugging you till you do."

Disappearing was one thing, but this, this silence, this disappearance, this blackout. This wasn't like Zayn, and it worried me because Zayn always did Zayn. Zayn couldn't be anything other than Zayn, no matter how much he wanted to, sometimes even felt obligated to. He still never managed to do it. Zayn always overshadowed anything else. And that was what I loved most. Zayn.

" Are you fed up with me yet? Are you hissing under your breath? Cursing at the day you met me? Because if you are, then good, mission accomplished. If not, then I'm not doing it right."

I knew I must be getting somewhere. Perhaps I was finally getting under his skin, and he was just one text away from smashing his phone against the wall. Perhaps he already had, and that's why he won't answer me? But the boys wouldn't simply leave Zayn wander around, with no phone. They would probably glue the new phone to his hands so that they wouldn't lose him. Zayn had the tendency to get lost sometimes. Most times, actually.

" Okay, now I'm getting worried. Zayn?"

These texts were days and days apart, and still, Zayn managed to remain unreachable. And so did the boys, which was odd, because normally, Louis would be bombarding me with texts, and Harry would be sending me joke after "hilarious" joke, and Liam would be complaining to me about how Zayn was "too quite" and "acting all smart" and "being an arrogant son of a bitch", and Niall would be texting me one "hahahaha" after the other. Something was off. Way off. Did it have something to do with the black dress hanging on my bedroom door? Maybe. Maybe not.

" Earth to Zayn, earth to Zayn, text back if you're alive."

The boys were still nowhere to be found, and for whatever reason, I could never bring myself to look for them. As if I feared what I would find, but what would that be? What would I be so frightened to find out, that I would choose to ignore the boys' sudden fading of my life? I had no idea. None.

" Seriously now, if you didn't answer me, I'll never ever talk to you again. I mean it, Zayn. No joke."

And I didn't mean it, I never did. Not with Zayn. I could never be mad at him. But something inside me, felt sudden rage at the thought of him. For some reason, I despised Zayn, which was something I never managed to do, but now, now it was all I could do.

" Please? I can't take this. This is excrutiating. I hate this, and I miss you, and I need to talk to you to preserve the last drop of sanity I have in me. And I hate you, I hate you because I'm going mad without you, and you're making me the way I am. And I hate you. So please. Just, stop."