Lessons of Indifference

chapter one

-Author's prenote!-

Thanks so much for reading! Thank you so much for the support, you guys are awesome.

This is the FIRST DRAFT. I have not edited it yet. I am just writing down everything I am thinking so I don't forget it. When I am finished, I will edit it, so don't worry!

Some of this stuff I have not even read over yet, so if you think the style could use improvement, I agree!

Please, please, PLEASE let me know if you have any ideas/additions that you think could improve the story. I am ALWAYS open for constructive criticism!

Again, thank you so much for reading. I really appreciate it. Enjoy!

Xoxo, Cassie.

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It is gone in a heartbeat. The last sliver of hope left my heart when the third coffin this year closed before my eyes. All in four months. It was April sixteenth when my gran finally let dementia take her. At least my mom and Angelina died quickly. I didn't have to sit by their bedside every day and hope they would remember me in the morning. I stand emotionless by the graves of my mother and sister every day after school, praying to God to bring them back for me. Gran was all I had after they'd gone. Now I had nothing to love or care for. I prefer not to care for anything anymore. I know now that nothing lasts forever, and if you give your heart to it, they'll go faster. I tell myself I am done letting them die. Now, it is just me and my empty heart. One moment I am telling myself not to feel anything, and the next I am wishing I felt something when I could.

My Gran's lifeless body is laid in the coffin in front of me. A collection of orchids, buttercups and sunflowers explodes from the top. They were her favorites. She used to tell my why, but it can't quite remember. I used to help her in her garden, the warm air in our hair and the cool dirt between our toes. We weren't happy. But at least we were sad together. Her long white hair always hung free. "Tidy hair is a sign of weakness," she used to tell me. She always let things happen the way they were supposed to happen. Maybe she would still be here if she had taken the medicine they gave her for her illness. She told me she wanted to be taken from the wind, not the doctors. Her small home in Phoenix was never closed or shut up. Flowers in pots and ponds in the yard. Wind chimes always kept us company. She was the only one I would talk to. But now, thinking about her makes my heart hurt. I am too sad to cry, or too sad to show any emotion at all.

I sit there in my thoughts for what seems like hours before the ceremony begins, and after as well. I was her only family, and she mine. Her old, decrepit friends would begin to trickle in a few at a time. More and more I get hugs, kisses, and apologies from people I have never met. I don't even remember the ceremony. It is just words anyway. I just remember everyone crying, singing and putting their hands on my shoulders and telling me it would be ok. I know it won't. But I have to agree to let the wind take me wherever it blows. That is what Gran told me. I am finally left alone in the church. I am not thinking about anything in particular, and nothing tugs at my thoughts. I'm just alone in the church and alone in my mind. I don't turn around, even as I hear the door open and footsteps approach. My eyes fixated on the floor, I hold my breath and hope no one talks to me.

But someone behind me clears their throat. "Excuse me," a man says, "Fayana Sommors?"

At the sound of my name, I turn my head slightly to the side, but only enough to see that he is a police officer. "Faye." I answer. What would he want with me? I try to confine myself to oblivion, but I know exactly what he is here for. I am alone. No family, no friends. I have a home, but I can't go back. Gran's house is empty, no sound of her singing, no cheerful trickle sound of the fountains. Even the cat is quiet now. Gran's final words told me to go with my heart, and go with the wind. So I do exactly that.