another love

act two, scene one: life at hand

It was a tricky business this, all tiptoes and careful words, hushed tones and secrets exchanged behind doors. They acted as if nothing was going on, nothing out the ordinary, it was just another day. Yes, everything was fine. Everyone was fine. Nothing was wrong

But he knew.

And they knew, he knew. For no matter how hard they pretended, how well they put an act, how convincing they’d play their part, he’d always know. There was nothing they could get past his searching eyes, darting left to right, analysing the situation at every turn. Cold and calculating. Cogs whirring in his mind, every second, every minute, and every day without pause, without rest. He was always thinking of something to say, something to do. Something.

And he didn’t like this.

Kyungsoo was proud of the walls he’d built up these past few year, proud that no one could see past the perfect image he’d created for himself. He was impenetrable. He was invincible. He was strong.

But these boys, these eleven reckless, foolish idiots who were more often than not, hungry, whiny and forever doing his head in, had somehow managed to worm and muscle their way into the picture and somehow, without him even realising, they’d engrained themselves by his side, maybe not forever but for the foreseeable future, and for some odd reason that he couldn’t compute, he was fine with this.

(they were in his heart, and although he knew, he’d never tell)

But he wasn’t.

Because by letting people in this way, he’d open the doors to disappointment and, being raised as a well-mannered, polite young man, he knew that, even if a guest was unwanted, they were still the guest and you’d treat them as such. But instead these guests, unlike normal people, didn’t knock on his door and wait until they were let in, no, not at all. These reckless, foolish idiots, instead knocked down his so-called walls and had managed to make themselves at home, not even waiting to see if it was all okay with him.

(but how? though he knew he’d never tell)

But he didn’t want that.

Because he knew that it was his own fault that by being such a reckless, foolish idiot, he’d caused the trouble he was currently in. It was his own damn fault and he didn’t want to deal with that, because he was supposed to be the golden-child, the flawless one, the star. He was Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo didn’t make mistakes. Yet here he was, a sobbing mess in the corner of the room, cliché as it was, as he willed himself to just stop and think, Kyungsoo, goddammit, think! He supposed he could ask his fellow members,for their help, except not really as he was too prideful for his own good; he couldn’t ask them for their help, not at all.

(except that was all he knew he wanted, though he’d never tell)

-

Kyungsoo had a lot of secrets, ones he himself never knew he kept and now, more than ever before, he wanted to figure out the truth behind the lies. He knew for sure that his parents weren’t really his parents, in the way that he was not biologically their child, and them his mother and father. And even though this fact wasn’t exactly paraded around, this fact was pretty obvious to anyone with functioning sight. For while Kyungsoo was all big eyes, heart shaped smiles, reaching up on tippy-toes, his parents were pretty much the exact opposite; both tall, with sharp edges and even sharper tongues. Even still, Kyungsoo was never ever really curious as to who his birth parents really were, I mean why would I be? My parents are the best for me and hey, they seem to care more than my real parents have ever done, he’d always used to say. And he was right because, although they may be a bit on the blunt, edging on mean, side, they were caring, loving parents and supported their son in whatever he wished as long as he guaranteed his safety. When Kyungsoo first proposed the idea of becoming an idol, they were dead-set against because, God forbid! An idol of all things, Kyungsoo? They felt he was wasting his talents, his time, his energy; he was putting himself and his wellbeing at risk because who hadn’t heard of the strict life implemented on idols, with no time for family, friends, for himself, even. But once he convinced them that this was well and truly what he wanted to do with his life, this was his calling, well there wasn’t much to stop him now really. So they gave him their blessing and Kyungsoo knew from then on, they may not always show it, but I know they care and want what’s best for me.