another love

act one, scene one: the plan

I felt the uneasiness arising in the air around me, the doubts, confusion and anxiety suffocating me. Was this really the right thing to do? The uncertainty and the possibility of what we were about to do was now clouding my mind, every dark, decrepit inch, overwhelming my every emotion. The adrenaline was pouring through my veins, rushing past my lungs and straight to my pulsating heart, threatening to explode and break through the cage that imprisoned it. This was it. This was the moment that it had all built up to. The moment that would be the start of a new page. The moment that changed my life.

Caught up in my thoughts, I didn’t realise when the man I was with stopped in mid-step, ending his confident march. He was feeling the exact opposite that I was. While he was so, so sure and full of confidence, I was drowning in my worries plagued by the idea of anything bad happening. I could already hear his clipped, judgmental tone echoing through the empty caverns of my mind, cleared of all thoughts just to hear his. Why do you worry so much, this isn’t even a big operation? How can you survive when you can’t even think of taking responsibility for your actions?'His patronising tone never ceased to leave me alone, no matter how much I willed it to.

I looked up at the building, wondering why on earth we’d stopped here. Sensing my curious mind, the man turned and spoke clearly, slowly in that Northern drawl of his, ‘We’re here,’ as if it was all supposed to make sense.

And I suppose it did.

-

I’d met him, through a mutual friend who I only knew as Fahimul, his name underground. Fahimul was a close friend of mine and when no one else was there, he always was. Without him I’d never have lived, never have known what it was to love, never have let anyone turn the locks guarding my heart. He was my rock, my keeper and so much more. In short, I owe whatever is left of this puny existence I call a life, to him.

It was on a dark and rainy day, the same old setting for a gothic novel or gloomy old east London, whichever you prefer. Guided through a rickety old hallway and past imposing oak door embellished with solid brass knockers, I was taken into a small room right at the back of this place. Of course I’d already heard of him, I mean, who hadn't? He was an ex-boy band member who had taken to drugs and alcohol after his split with his then-wife. However after a severe accident involving his partying ways, he found himself in a hospital bed with nothing to do and no one to talk to; after all his family shunned him, and his friends were never really his friends. The only people who ever really cared were the nurses, and only because they were paid to play pretend. It was all a game. However of these nurses included a young, girl called Mariah, who figured he needed her help, and fast as it was not okay for her, to let him live his life as he wished doing what he wanted. No, she had to guide him to the 'right path', whatever that may be. And she would do this by bringing in her friends, people to keep him company that would rid him of his 'bad ways'. But that’s where she was wrong. By doing what she did she created a monster.

At first he ignored the people piling in at  his side table, because goddammit he was here to get better not made to feel bad about himself and his 'ways'. He already had made his choice and he was not going let anyone, or anything change his mind. However his mind slowly wavered, when a smiling figure with a familiar face stood at his door every day with no intent to leave him. Slowly but surely, he succumbed to  boredom and thought ‘Ah who cares, what harm can it do?’ and beckoned to the lone man to start a conversation

How wrong he was…

And that was how I found myself in a barely furnished, dimly-lit room discussing plans on firstly, breaking and entering into various holy grounds and other important places and vandalising the area. But I knew that there was more to his 'plans' and I knew it very well. So why didn't I stop then and there? Surely, I knew it was wrong to do such a thing, to hurt innocent people, to vandalise sacred grounds and openly disrespect someone's beliefs? And for what purpose? So that even more innocent people would get hurt and others falsely spew their words of hate around, thanks to the reckless behaviour of two idiots who hadn’t an idea as to what they were doing. Yet for some reason, I agreed but why I don’t know. Maybe I was even more messed up than I first assumed.