To Define This

The Other Day

I saw you the other day.
I was drowning in a sea of loud and body odor
and I spotted you on the opposite shore.
You looked safe and dry on a nice island in the middle of the ocean,
somewhere under the scorching sun
with an umbrella drink in hand and happiness in your heart.
I wished I could join you.
I still do.
You were glowing and
laughing with someone I didn't know
you didn't see me.
Maybe the waves surrounding me were too tall
or maybe you weren't looking for me
maybe the years and storms have made me as
Unrecognizable
as the cliffside worn down by harsh winds and high water.
Still, it would have been nice to talk again.
You could always translate my thoughts better than I could
and the noises that it's making makes no sense anymore.

I thought of you the other day.
Remembered what it felt like when I thought we'd rule the world,
you and I.
I recalled how fluffy the bunnies in our brains were
and birds
and bouncy obstacle courses
And how fear and fruity sweet smells broke us.
I doubt that they mean anything to you anymore, or that you even remember
my birthday card from better years
that you made out of lunchtime conversations and literary thoughts
You drew a cake I could eat.
I took a bite the other day
And found it tasted like cold nostalgia
and painted memories.
Maybe that's why I can't get you out of my head
though it's been years since we've smiled
and why I keep think of you most days now
Because I yearn for the colors of my past
and you.

I dreamed of you the other day.
how we'd be
If we'd grown faster and refused to give up
and now I wonder
Who we are to each other
and if you ever think of a lonely soul.
But the present has begun to erase all the scenes left in my head
and I know that I never meant enough to be your 2:00 am thoughts three years later.
Reality doesn't seem to fit here anymore
but I know that in my head,
You'll stay as
the girl with the plain exotic adjective name.
Who could always see what I couldn't
and thought when I wouldn't
and laughed when I shouldn't.
Oh my old friend,
I said things I shouldn't have
and didn't say things I could've
and maybe that's why the memories drown me as effectively as the present.
But if I could say them now, I would.
and I'd say:
There will always a hole by my side, shaped just like you
and you are welcome there.