I feel self conscious. Well actually I'm not sure if that's the right word. But I keep running my tongue over my teeth like it will wear them back down to their normal shape. Blinking, looking at my hands. It's pretty darn hard not to look at the window or the mirror as we drive along but I don't want them to catch me at it.
Already they say they read me. And I hate to admit it but it's like they really can see what I'm thinking. I guess not. More like what I'm feeling. I'm not used to that and I resent it. I suppose you're wondering why I haven't kicked off about my brother? The truth is I don't believe it. So I won't think about it (even though I'm dying to ask all sorts of annoying questions).
And my Mother? I dunno. It was four months ago. She's dead and that's it so their's no point whinging. Having said that I can't help wanting to have Ian's brain scanned. What kind of moronic person moves to the town of his dead wife's husband? Daughter and step-daughter in tow? Ian; that's who. Yeah. My half sister is a year younger than me. Candace.
I don't want to talk about her so there. Nehr (sticking my tongue out just in case you wondered).
But I am pretty worried. Today.. something big's happened and I don't know what to do about it. I'M FREAKING OUT! Seriously, just sitting in the car I'm starting to panic, want to jump out and run back home to lock myself in my room.
Phew, breathe Jade. Right. So for all these years I've wanted to be a werewolf haven't I? All the crazy rituals, all the awesome useless wolf trivia, and it reached every part of my life. Including all my furniture, posters, trinkets, wall paper..
Can you imagine the horror if they found out? What if they thought I was a complete loser (supposing they don't already know)? Or became even more arrogant and big headed, like if they think I worship them or something? I nearly hyperventilate just thinking about it. In my mind I'm already ripping down the posters, stripping the bed cover off.
The car stops and I look up in surprise. "We're already here?"
Bastian nods, "Where do you think we are? It's England. There isn't that much woodland to get to the heart of." I consider this briefly as they all groan. Enough to get ridiculously, hopelessly lost in. "He went to America last year, hasn't stopped going on about the stupid forests ever since," Si fills me in.
Bastian starts on about some, like, completely like, amazing soil thing. I realise Bastian's maybe a year younger than me, the youngest in the.. pack? I know I said I want to be a werewolf - and I do! And that I've spent my life till now fantasizing about it (I have). But really I'm not going to hold my breath. When I see a pack of wolves I'll believe it.
The leaves crunch under our feet and we don't speak as we head off the lane and into the trees. I start to feel somewhat light headed as we go (like I really had anything in there in the first place, ha). I look at their faces and see nothing helpful. Nothing to make me worry excessively, and nothing to make me relax either.
They come to a sort of stand still, leaning on trees or shuffling around their feet in the dead leaves. Even though most of the trees here have their coat of greenery still. I'm fine. I am. I think. OH I DON'T KNOW! THIS IS ALL SO UNNATURAL! I don't know what's going on in my head right now, it feels so weird and confused - I have so much to think about but I can just stand here and think about what I think about what I think!
I breathe a little and frown as I see them looking at each other uncomfortably. What's- what's wrong? Raul is actually a psychopath who paid to have them bring me out here and gimme a dirt nap? That would explain why I have all these issues. Damned genetics.
"What's wrong? What's going on?"
I think I'm gonna tear my hair out till Farrell sighs and shrugs at me. "Nothing. First girl in the pack, it's going to complicate things that's all."
