Stuck In Reverse (Luke Hemmings)

Chapter 22: Eavesdroppers

"Hey Luke, mind if I borrow my sister for a bit?" Harry asked, coming up to where Luke and I were sitting in arena chairs waiting for 5 Seconds of Summer's soundcheck to begin.

"Don't mind at all," Luke said, standing up from his chair. "I've gotta get ready for soundcheck anyways, so go right ahead."

"What's up?" I asked Harry as Luke left the arena area, and Harry plopped down into the now empty seat.

"Is there something you want to tell me, Jules?" he asked.

Well, there's a lot of things I haven't told him.

I haven't told him about the pending college acceptance that I was still pondering over.

I haven't told him that Luke and I had sex.

I guess there's not a lot of things I have told him, really.

"What do you know?" I asked him, not meeting his eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me you got into UCLA?" he asked in a soft voice, and I noticed then that he was looking down and not meeting my gaze, either. 

"How'd you find out?" I asked then.

"I overheard your phone call with Mum," he said, "I was on my way back to the bus because I noticed that I had grabbed the wrong shoes and I needed to change them when I heard you talking on the phone about being accepted. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't tell you because I still don't know if I'm taking it or not," I confessed. "and if I decided not to take it, then I didn't want you to be disappointed in me."

"Why wouldn't you take it?" he asked, finally looking up at meeting my eyes.

"Because I like all this," I said, gesturing around to where the rest of the One Direction guys were sitting in other arena seats, and then up where 5SOS was soundchecking. "I like tour life, and all the chaos, and being with people I love. I like working with Lou as a job doing hair and makeup. If I go, that all ends, and it ends a lot sooner that it was supposed to."

"Julie..." Harry said softly. "Are you thinking of staying because you want to stay with us? Or because you don't want to be away from Luke?"

"Is that so bad?" I asked him. "Even if that is the reason? I really do want to stay and keep working around all of you. That seems better to me than going to a new place surrounded by people I don't know. If I'm going to be in a different country, I'd rather it be with people I know."

"Honey, we're in LA all the time," he said. "and college was always your dream. Then you could work on becoming a writer. Do we want you to stay with us to finish the tour? Of course. But I just want what's best for you. If makeup and hairstyling is what you'd rather do instead of writing, then go for it. But it has to be because of what you want in the long run, and not because of what we want for the short term. It's your life, after all. Don't throw it away because of one summer."

He was right.

He was completely right.

"I need to get ready for soundcheck," Harry said then, standing up and leaning over to give me a hug. "but we'll finish this conversation later, okay? I'm worried about you, Jules, and I just want to make sure that you're making the right decision. Find me after the show, okay?"

"Okay," I said, nodding. "Thank you,"

Harry's spent his entire life looking out for me, and I've been so selfish. I mean, for God's sake, I started dating one of his best friends when that was his biggest concern of me going on tour with them. He said it was okay, sure, but he's always done whatever just to make sure I was happy. It wasn't hard to see that it still bugged him to see us together.

It was almost like he'd lost me. He saw me everyday, sure, but it wasn't the same anymore. I joined the tour to spend time with him on my last summer before I'd been hoping to leave, but I only really saw him for hair, makeup, and the occasional meal every now and then. Most of my time was spent running around with Luke and the other Aussies. I'd convinced myself for so long that Harry was busy and I was just keeping myself out of his Hair, but now it was as if I was ignoring him. Hell, I hadn't even bothered to tell him maybe the biggest piece of news I've ever had in my life. 

So things would change. Granted, this was my first actual boyfriend, and I'm still learning the ropes, but I'd spend more time with Harry and I wouldn't spend all my time with Luke. I need to learn to be without him if I'd be going to UCLA, anyways. I'd think more about going. I could go to an orientation session while the tour was stopping in Los Angeles, and I could make my final decision after getting a taste of what being there was like. Okay, good plan Julie.

When did I become so dependent? I've spent the first seventeen years of my life being so independent and introverted, and spending all of my time alone, and now all of that was just... gone. I was spending all day every day with these nine boys who've all managed to change my life completely around. But the thing was, I wasn't angry about it. They've all become family, with the exception of Harry, of course, who was already my family. I didn't want to fail them, and I wanted them all to be proud of me.

So I wouldn't fail them.