Father Of My Child... Mr Hollywood

Chapter 3

I am sitting in Doctor Foxwell's office for a final consultation before I can go home and it is worryingly awkward. Since I met the man, it seems like he suddenly gets a sour taste in his mouth every time he sees me. The judgement in his eyes is also quite evident...

Is it because I lost Emma? I wonder. It didn't bother me before but it seems to bother me now.

For some odd reason I have lived my life not being able to take judgement from people so I begin by thanking him for looking after Emma's fever before I can explain myself.

"T-thank y-you." I utter with utmost difficulty. He looks at me with a squint before going back to his work. "F-for Emma I m-mean."

"Don't mention it, it's my job." He says. We fall into an uncomfortable silence that causes me to peel at my hands painfully.

It is a bad habit I learned when I was young and at that, a nervous wreck.

He suddenly stands, places the earplugs of his stethoscope into his ears and asks me to breathe in as he places the diaphragm onto my back.

"Out." He orders as I feel the movements travel from the left to the right side of my back.

"I didn't" I begin to say but he cuts me off.

"Please don't speak... I cannot do this if you do."

I keep my lips held tight until he is finished and sits back down.

"You were saying?" he speaks without looking at me. I am suddenly a little ticked off by his attitude but he saved Emma so I gulp his callousness and continue.

"I didn't mean to lose Emma." I begin looking at my entwined fingers. "One of the doctors-" I bite down as I feel the emptiness that clouded me on that day return. "He took her so- I understand if you think that I am a bad mother but I am not ... I am really not- she is everything to me and I."

I stop to catch a breath and bite my lip so hard I draw blood into my mouth. I am not about to let him see me cry. "I- I t-thought I-I lost her ... I am n-not a bad m-mother."

A wave of silence follows as the metallic taste spreads in my mouth. I cannot wait for the consultation to be over so that I can finally go home to my child. I still cannot believe that I hit my head pretty hard and broke a rib. I am quite tall but I have never heard of an instance where a fall broke a rib.

"You're not a bad mother." He finally speaks. I am taken aback so I look at him for a moment before looking away pointing my attention towards the bin in the corner of the room. "If you were, you wouldn't be in the state you are in right now."

I look up and watch him for a while thinking I have changed the judgement in his eyes but for some reason, I still see it in his eyes. So it wasn't about losing Emma then? I must have over thought the situation - another one of my flaws that causes me to panic at every look or odd statement thrown my way.

"Did you raise her on your own?" he asks me abruptly catching me off guard. I don't realise I am holding my breath until I begin to cough out longing for air to fill my lungs.

"Sorry?" is my clever reply. Even if I had been a few feet away I would have heard his question. I have always wondered why people resort to stupidity when an awkward question is involved.

"Emma... where is her father- I only saw her grandparents." I do not answer him right away because the strangers I meet, have never been so direct. You could say that he isn't a stranger given that he has my medical records up on his computer but his questions are a little too personal. I expect to hear *I don't mean to pry* but it doesn't come and the look he gives me tells me that he expects a reply or deserves one?

"I- H-he is not in the picture."

I cannot help but wonder if I would have given him an answer had he been somebody else.

"Why not?"

Another question - another blow that brings nervous laughter.

I shift uncomfortably in my seat as I watch his alert gaze arbitrating me. I begin to avert my gaze from his question but I decide to answer his query for a reason I do not understand. Mum always said I was too kind to people who didn't deserve it and now I am beginning to know why she said what she did.

Another one of my biggest flaws - being an open book.

"Uh." I sigh. "Well- its complicated."

"How?"

Why are you answering this guy? A small voice questions me but as I look at Dr Scornfield, I find myself thinking that I owe somebody some answers and it happens to be him today. Again- why, I have no idea.

"He doesn't know we exist." I finally say. "Will that be all?" I ask looking away from him as I stand to my feet hoping that I can avoid any further questions given that the subject of Emma's father has always been a sensitive one.

He mirrors my actions and goes to the door. He opens it and holds out his hand. My gaze moves from his hand to his face where I see an unexplainable look but I shake his hand firmly and leave hoping I never meet his scrutiny again.

***********

It has always been hard to give Emma a bath. It's even harder now that I haven't been taking care of her since Mum and dad only went back home today.

"Emma- come on." I call to her but she doesn't react and I am beginning to get frustrated.

I do not think I have fully been able to recover from the shock because I cannot keep my eyes off of her even whilst she sleeps.... Call me a weird but I am never losing her again.

"Emma... mummy is very tired." As soon as I say this, she seems to understand because she stops giggling and walks towards me. "I know you do not like baths but I need to give you one so we can go to bed."

She nods with difficulty and lets me prepare her for bed. I have always been glad that she responds when I am being serious...

***********

Emma is in her pyjamas by the sofa watching the last episode of Madeline before she goes to bed when I get a phone call.

I look down to find an unknown number staring back at me which is odd since I never get such calls.

"Hello?" I call, a little anxious. I hope it isn't related to mum and dad since they just left us a couple of hours ago.

"Hello is this Katie Ferguson?" a familiar voice replies back to me.

"Yes... speaking- can I help you?"

"It's Adam Foxwell."

I freeze for a moment as a silence speaks to me.

"You don't remember... it has only been a little over 2 week since-"

I come back to my senses as he speaks breaking him off.

"O-of course I-I remember."

I am stammering thinking of the worst. Maybe he found something in my tests but I was completely fine when I left. What could it be.. The next thing he says catches me so off guard that I drop Emma's drink bottle.

"I was wondering if we could meet for a coffee."

Please vote and comment :)