❉| chapter eight

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❝phoenixes burst into flame when it is time for them to die and are reborn from the ashes.❞

-albus dumbledore, harry potter

THE NEXT MORNING IS rough. With Bellamy in lockup, our room had felt incredibly cold and empty, just like I knew it would. I tossed and turned in the bed with no sign of sleep in sight. And in the rare moments where I did find slumber, it was fleeting and restless.

I couldn't stop thinking. My mind constantly reeled with thousands of fragments of thoughts that I couldn't piece together. The entire conversation between Bellamy and Octavia replayed over and over, with me scrutinizing every minute detail.

My appearance in the mirror now shows visible traces of these facts. There are dark, puffy circles under my eyes as well as lines. My skin appears dull and lifeless. Even so, I get dressed for the day I'm supposed to be spending in Medical and head out the door. But I do not head toward the dining hall to get breakfast. Instead, I take the opposite route to lockup.

I don't greet anyone in the halls as usual. My outward appearance prevents others from doing the same to me; I assume I don't look very approachable today. My line of sight is fixed ahead of me and my steps are swift. I need to reach my destination as quickly as possible before I overthink and back out.

If I want straight answers, I need to get them from Bellamy himself.

Of course, I don't have official permission from Abby or Kane, which will make it slightly difficult to do that. I also need to get him alone.

"Let me in, Newman," I command to the guard at the right of the door. He's a grown man of about thirty-five, but we're well enough acquainted that I can skip the pleasantries. "I need to speak with Bellamy."

"Speak?" he jokes with a raise of black eyebrows. "Or do something else?"

My scowl deepens. He easily catches the drift that I'm not in the mood for humor and sighs. "Kane figured you would, but you've got a five-minute time limit. Any more after that and we're barging in no matter what."

He swipes his ID card against the keypad and opens the door. The other guard at post, Camano, steps aside to let us pass.

The people inside the jail cell all look toward the door once it opens. I don't look at anyone except for Bellamy, even when Pike decides to make a comment.

"Come to bail us out?" he asks in a weak attempt to lighten the obviously dark mood in the room.

"You know why I'm here," I respond smoothly. Kane is strict with my switching of jobs and what I'm not allowed to do while not in uniform. That's why Newman has to be the one to open the gate.

Bellamy rises slowly. There's no emotion on his face, a stark contrast to last night when he displayed cold anger and determination. I don't know how to read him. He's not letting me read him.

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