alphabet | servamp tsubaki

43 ; epilogue ; tsubaki's thoughts

five months ago

Mao,

At first, you were just another subordinate. I didn't even know that we servamps are capable of such human emotions- but it makes sense, in a way, because we were all humans before.

You're not the typical vampire. You're slow, slack, and you tend to procrastinate.

You reminded me of my eldest brother, but at the same time, you were something so delicate and human. You didn't seem to be supernatural at all.

Maybe that's why I love you, because out of everyone, you are the only one who still clings to the human side of yourself.

I was born to kill my siblings. I followed my path, and along the way, something switched off inside of me. You became a toy, and I didn't even realise. I'm so sorry, Mao.

And during the battle on the rooftop, I thought I was going to die- that was more than enough reason to remember all of my regrets.

You were and still will be every one of them.

You're my guilty pleasure, Mao. I shouldn't be with you; I can't be the boyfriend or husband that everyone wants. I will always be consumed by my selfishness.

That's why I chose to let you go- at least, until I can call myself a proper partner, boyfriend (and husband, in the future).

I let my subordinates free because no one should be tied down to a monster. I wanted you all to let me go.

But I was selfish, and I still wanted you. And so I came back. What I didn't realise was that you would be so heartbroken that I left- that made me feel so happy and sad at the same time. Euphoric because you truly care for me, and sad, because you were feeling like that, and that you love a monster.

Mao, when we meet again, I promise that I will be someone respectful and someone you can depend on. I'll be someone not contaminated by the thirst for revenge- someone not contaminated by filth. I'm going to find change in myself for you, and I will treat you how you should be treated. It may take days, months, years- but I hope you will patiently wait for me...until I can become someone untainted.

So, cheers to our twisted tale; of an immortal human who loves a monster, and a monster who can't let go.

- Tsubaki.