The Late Night Confessions [Destiel]

(1) Mirrors and Self Worth

Mirrors

Mirrors and mirrors and more mirrors scattered throughout the bunker, randomly but conveniently set on the walls.

Sam would walk down the hall in the morning, checking his long hair in the mirror by the corner before trotting into the kitchen, like mornings were actually enjoyable and waking up was something everyone should be happy about.

Dean would tilt his chin up and to the sides, running calloused fingers over rough stubble and looking back at the ivory eyes in the glass and adjust his robe before acting grumpy to give the illusion that he wasn't a morning person as he meandered into the kitchen.

Kevin would look in and sigh and maybe run his hands over his face and promise himself that he'd get more sleep tomorrow but even though he kept all his other promises he never kept that one. He'd trudge in the kitchen, grab some snacks and a drink, them retire to his room again.

Charlie would just strut past, beautiful red hair coiling and uncoiling with every step as she pranced and twirled around the kitchen making cereal and humming Star Wars. She didn't even pay attention to the glass sitting on the wall, as if it wasn't worth her time.

Cas would just duck his head a bit, avoid eye contact with himself in the shiny surface, and take a long stride to pass that horrendous section of wall that he couldn't bear to face. No one would notice, not really. He'd disguise the movement with a yawn or a sneeze or a nod and an artificial smile at someone passing by.

It was exhausting. How empty he felt. How he cried himself to sleep at night because he wasn't good enough. He didnt know anything. It was common sense for everyone else and he felt like he was drowning. Obviously everyone else's patience was wearing thin.

Just the other day Cas had shuffled shyly into Dean's room, head down, face red. Whole body coiled as he was ready to dart back to his room. "D-dean? I'm afraid I don't understand-"

"I swear to god Cas I have to fucking explain everything to you! You're like a fucking child! Just go look the shit up or something I don't have to do everything for your sorry ass! Just because you fell doesnt mean you're helpless! Get the fuck over it!" The hunter snarled.

Cas, unable to tell that Dean was absolutely wasted and wouldn't remember anything, had only barely hid his tears and run back to his room, wishing he could just disappear.

He hated it. He tried to get over it. He tried to make the emptiness and the numbness go away. He had nothing to fill the void with though.

He avoided asking questions in the bunker after an extremely tired Kevin and a sleep-deprived Sam had also snapped at him. It scared him to be around them now. He had tried working the computer but Dean assumed he was looking at porn and yelled at him and took the laptop away.

Cas stayed in his room now. Avoiding mirrors, Dean, everyone else. A few times the elder hunter had come in after hearing the angel sobbing but Cas always shied away from him, telling him it was just human emotions and to go away. Dean instead, thinking the angel just needed space.

So now, Cas was drowning. He was stuck. He couldn't get out. He didnt have a life line. He couldn't even talk to Dean, his partner. If they even were that anymore. He fought through it as best he could but despite that he cried himself to sleep every night.

AN: Holy shit this is really crappy and I'll continue it later but I just...yeah.