The Ripper

Pain Of Clarity

I sucked in air as the world came back to me and pulled my mind from from the depths of memories long past. Coughing rather harshly I stood up in the street, the night was still silent and so were the voices that had chanted only moments ago. Despite this I knew they'd be back, for they always were. Their rasping screeches no longer screaming in my head. I stood there trying to catch my breath and failing to do so, the memories were saddening to think about. The worst part about it however is that I never could remember what happened to my father, were had he gone? Did he leave me?

"You know what happened don't you Jack? Ah yes you do! I can tell that those "scary" revelations refuse to make themselves known to you. You are such a coward, I would spite on you if I was able. You hide your sins from yourself in an effort to escape morality, to escape judgment for you misdoings. You stick your head in the sand while a storm rages around you, you put your fingers in your ears when the truth comes knocking. You act as if the suffering you have gone through is nothing compared to what you've put other people through! The hatred that posses your every thought for the humans around you is only amplified by the fear they bestow upon your mind."

The voice was back once more as though it had heard my relief of the others being gone. This voice was always there, berating and assaulting my every thought. It was unending in its attack on my fears, bringing them to the forefront of my psyche. Its torment never ending and its sound perpetually reflecting on the confines of my conscience. It was the master of the flames that were burning my mind and sending it into ruin. I could never escape its taunting, goading sound that plagued me so. I just wanted it to stop! Was that so much to ask?

"Hahah, you think to shut me ou-

"SHUT UP! PLEASE JUST SHUT UP! LEAVE ME BE, YOU'VE CASUED ME SO MUCH TORMENT AND SO MUCH AGONY! DAY AFTER DAY YOU SCREAM IN MY HEAD! WHY?! YOU PUSH ME TO THE EGDE AND TAUNT ME FOR BEING SO WEAK! YOU WON'T EVEN LET ME SLEEP! PLEASE just leave....me......alone." I broke down in the ally way that I had turned into, collapsing to my knees with tears gently falling down my face.  "I hate you! With all of my being! MY UNFETTERED SPITE FOR YOU KNOWS NO BOUNDS!" Newfound rage was hotly simmering, threatening to boil over for I had had enough of the obnoxious voice.

"We've done this song and dance before haven't we? I told you you can't be rid of me for I am you, I am your madness personified. The Shadows that you see live in me!" The voice retorted.

I choose to ignore it to the best of my ability as arguing with it was getting me nowhere. So I managed to push the voice out of my mind, even if it was temporary. Continuing on my way to the White Chapel I noticed that the sky was covered in rain clouds which was strange considering that it hadn't rained in while but I wasn't complaining. The streets were a maze as they always were, having the uninitiated lose their way rather quickly. The world was so different at night, the way things shifted and changed form. The shadow were not a constant as they too melded together only to separate moments later, the air was always a whisper compared to the dull scream of day. Night was concealing, hiding ones sins from the scorching orb that lit the ground and misdeeds of the damned aflame. The day was a roar, as it belted out loud notes of pride and dignity followed by the affirmations of the beings who lived under such conditions. The night was a seldom, soft tone of a voice that carried no pride and was undignified, the ways in which the beings who inhabited the place thought themselves the same. These two parallel realms existed with in the same plane, never meeting and never seeking each other. The confines of my inner thoughts had kept me well in the night for a unmeasurable amount of time, passing on fragments of ideas and the long lost sense of self. I no longer felt like I existed and that I was more of a watcher or spectator, only a helpless onlooker to the long and horrid years of my existence. The most recent months had passed me by and payed no mind to my lack of involvement in them. My head felt hallow most days, like I was in a dream, one that wouldn't ever end. I felt a shell of the once, once......? The thought was lost to the storm that still raged in my conscience, and buried in the crags of my mind, never to be found again. Things had been splitting at the seems, leaking out the insanity that lurked in the shallowness of the harbor which was spilling over its port. It became harder to walk and my breath was ragged, these episodes of madness had been occurring ever more frequently. I couldn't go through a single day without it happening at least twice. My pace was now a staggered one as I bumbled through the ally. I grabbed a wall in a desperate attempt to steady myself, my eyes were swimming in my head as thoughts fragmented. Hands were shaking as the truth of my most reprehensible actions threatened to surface and my darkest fears wailed in my head. I was begging and hoping for them to let me stay in willful ignorance, as to alleviate the burden that would come with such thoughts being remembered. My head was pounding as the voices began to surface once again, this time they wouldn't be subdued. They had gotten worse every since that.........day, and the once singular voice was now a chorus of a hateful choir.