Letters to Russell

Foreword

I don't know why but many people ask me, "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" Well to be honest, this question sucks. BIG TIME. I mean I never wished to be a no-boyfriend-since-birth kind of girl. I just haven't found the one yet. But then came a time when technology struck and I met a guy named Russell online. He seemed to be a presentable type but the jerk just decided to disappear. Just like that, he burst like a bubble, left without any trace it's as if he didn't want me to run after him. It's as if, he never asked me the question that I've been wanting to be asked in the last twenty - six years of my life. So that was that. I've never been able to move on with the hurt that he inflicted on me. I learned not to trust men anymore.

On the day that I decided to let him go, I didn't think that I would find a single piece of paper where I scribbled on his address. And that's when the idea started. I wanted to write him the letters that I would have wanted to tell him. Stupid, I know. Can you blame me for not knowing what to do? What's a non-experienced girl like me to do?

So then I decided to write a letter and keep it. It first started as my way of relieving stress but later on, it became an addiction that was so hard to stop. I wanted to tell him what it felt like when your heart stops beating because the only love of your life decided to kill the very light that you thought he had given to you. I wanted to tell him what it's like to pick the pieces of yourself up and how hard it is to continue telling yourself that crying over a man wasn't the end of the world. Finally, I want to tell him what it feels like to be liberated from the shadows of the past and to move on with a new sense of self. I do hope that when he reads the letters, he'll realize that he's not the only guy in the world that could make one girl's world turn around. But in any case, I hope that he's happy. That's all I can hope for.

Note:

The letters start with a recall on the first day that I met him until the last day that he decided to grace me with his presence.

xoxoxo

Amber