Hold on 'til May

A dream.

Yes, that's what this is.

An endless dream. 

I've been stuck in a repetative world. Stuck between two lifetimes. I'm alone in a world inhabitted by me and only me. I can only helplessly look from this dream at the body. A body I can only vaguely remember because it's been growing without me.  I've forgotten the color of it's eyes. The sound of its voice. It's a living body without life. Because...I'm standing right here...Why can't they see that. I'm right here. That body isn't mine...it can't be.The people who come to visit everyday without fail, they cry over the body laying motionless in that bed. They speak to it as if it hears. I hear it. They speak to me. And they beg me to listen, and I am listening. If only...

If only they could see.

I've been here the whole time.

I can see the man in the white coat shake his head.

"Its hopeless" he says.

"Hopeless..." the dear couple would repeat. They don't want to hear that. They want the body to wake up. "Wake up" they'd whisper. I can only watch as the body wastes away.

Do I grow beautiful? Or am I just rotting away...when I wake up, will I be a hundred years old?

With all this technology in that far away world I used to be part of, you'd think they could help me. Reach me in some way. 

"Darling you'll be okay" My mother sings to me. Her voice is shaking and she's gripping my hand tightly. I want to tell her I am okay. I am...I really am. If they could hear me, I'd tell them not to listen to those doctors. I'd tell them not to cry. I'd tell them I'm right here. 

But they don't hear me. They only see me. They see my body, lying on that hospital bed. Lying there, in a coma. They wonder what I dream of. They wonder what's happening here in my dream world. I want to tell them Its a lonely place. No one plays with me, or talks with me. There is no one.

The time they spend with me is limited, of course. They leave me. The woman gently brushes hair from the body's face; hair similar to mine. She whispers the same sweet song. "Darling you'll be okay..." She'd cry then add "Just hold on 'til may" Then she joins her husband and they leave, and when they do, I'm suddenly at school. Abandoned and empty. The school groans and creaks as I walk through the same empty hallways. Its about to collapse, but somehow it never did. It never does. It never will.

The hallways eventually end, and all thats in front of me is a playground. The swings creak a little as the move to and fro. Nobody's swinging it. It just keeps swinging as if someone had gotten off of it and it just kept on swinging. I walk around this place and play on all the little playground equipment. I don't do it for fun, It's almost like I want to pass time. I want to forget that I'm alone, but I never forget; it's always at the back of my mind.

I stay at this little park on this little hill that looks over a still lake that seems to stretch far beyond my own imagination.  I stay here until they come back. When they come back tomorow. They'll be back...and then I'll be able to listen. I'll listen 'til I wake up.

I'll listen patiently.

Soon, day becomes night and I'm still sitting on the hill, waiting for the couple to call out to me. They never do. I don't hear their voices.

"They'll be back the next day" I'd tell myself. Then I'd patiently wait until the next day turns into next month...and next month turns into next year. They haven't come back, but I don't want to accept that. If I do, I might really end up being alone, and if that body doesn't wake up, I'm afraid it won't just affect that poor couple, It'll affect me too.

I just need to hold on 'til may. Until the spring comes.

"I'll be okay.." I say to myself, sitting up high on the one and only tree in my forever dream. The sun sets behind me and the lake reflects the purple and orange clouds in the sky. The rays of light that stream past me reminded me of veils. Beautiful orange veils. Veils you'd see in a wedding.

Veils I can never wear. I'm never waking up... my parents...they aren't coming back. They have their own lives to live. 

I'm all alone. I'm alone in this stupid place!

"Sarah".

I'm alone...

"Sarah..."

I'd rather die than repeat this lonesome dream. I start to cry. My eyes are shut tight and the tears just keep on spilling.

"Sarah...please wake up"

When I open my eyes again, everything is hazey and blurred. The lake isn't still anymore. Its just a mix of purple and orange and everything between. The millions of branches on the oak tree I sit on looks far away. I'm not even sitting on them anymore. 

My mother sits besides the body. I'm back at the hospital. My parents came back for me... I run to my other, eager to hear her voice. When I reach her, her face is distorted and shrouded with tears,  She starts to violently shake the poor body on that bed. The nurses try to hold her back, but she justs shoves them away. The docter shakes his head and reaches for a phone.

"SARAH!" My mother cries.

I want to wake up...I want to, I really do!

I look at the body my mother was so determined on waking up. I touch her face. I can't feel any warmth nor can I feel any coldness. I close my eyes. Maybe when I open them, I'll finally know what color they are.

Maybe...