My Guardians

Mini Pity Party

It's really quite something how so much can change in a small amount of time. How everything can be normal one second, then completely upside down the next. My long brown hair hung well past my shoulders, but it was dull and lifeless just like my green eyes. I ran my hand over the smooth marble gravestone with my mothers name on it. Julia Anne Robichaux 1973-2013. I often find myself just sitting here in silence. Its peaceful.

I readjusted my maroon beanie, put my black ray-bans on to hide my red eyes, and grabbed my beat up messenger bag. Leaving the cemetery is the hardest part for some reason, like she's dying all over again. I dread going home but school hasn't started yet, so I don't have much of a choice. Maybe John, my father, won't be home. Its been almost a year since the accident and the amount of alcohol he consume just increases. He's the worst when he's drunk, so much anger but I deserve it. I killed her.

Even though he was generally always mean to me when mom was still alive he never ever laid a hand on me. Right after her funeral was the first time. A hard slap to the face right when we walked through the door and after he told me to go to my room and not come out. So I didn't for 3 days until I couldn't miss any more school. Now I rarely have skin free of bruises, although he's smart enough not to mark my face.

Tomorrow is my first semester of college and i'm actually pretty excited only because campus is about 30 minutes by walk from my house and it gives me more time away from him. I didn't exactly live in the nicest part of town, but I liked it here, it was quiet. I still had a ten minutes left until I reached home when my ankle started throbbing. My mind began flooding with memories of last night.

[Flashback]

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" My father said in a surprisingly calm but menacing tone as I walked through the door.

"I-I don't know w-what you're talking about."I stammered. Fuck i'm dead i'm so dead. He knows. He knows I skipped school. He gripped me by my arms and slammed me against the wall. My vision went blurry for a few moments, his grip on my arms only getting tighter.

"Do you think i'm that stupid!? The school called me today, so you skipped school! So where were you? Whoring around with some boys?" He spat, his breath reeked of whiskey.

"I wasn't feeling well and my grades are really good so I- "I didn't even get to finish my sentence before he threw me on the ground. I got up as fast as I could and started going up the stairs. "I'm not finished with you!" he grabbed me by the ankle and yanked me down the four stairs I managed to get up. I screamed in pain when my ankle made this disgusting popping noise. Tears were forming at my eye, threatening to spill over. I was on the floor again at the bottom of the stairs. I curled into a ball trying to shield myself from his attacks that I knew were coming.

"Don't you kick ever kick skip kick school again." He kicked me two more times and I swear he broke a rib. "Get out of my sight."

He walked away and I finally let myself cry. I wont ever cry in front of him.

[End]

I cringed at the memory. When my mom died, I missed so much school that I had to go to summer school to graduate on time and we had just finished a two weeks ago.  On like the third to last day of class I skipped and he found out about it.   

I found myself rounding the corner that my house sat on. I stopped walking to scout the area and see if my dad was home. His old beat up car wasn't in the drive way so I unlocked the door and ran inside. I used to love being at home with my mom. We would always be doing something fun like making cookies or watching old ridiculous movies. This place hasn't been home in a while.

I walk into the kitchen that used to be so cheerful. Walls painted yellow, pictures on the ridge, art projects from grade school, they were all gone now though. The most prominent feature was the bottles of alcohol on the counter and empty glasses on the table. I grabbed a water bottle out of the refrigerator and the last granola bar out of the pantry. This would probably be all I would eat for today. Not that I wasn't used to it, I can't remember the last time I had three meals in one day. At least I don't get hungry anymore. After going so long with little fool your stomach shrinks i'm guessing. I used to have the biggest appetite, I could literally eat a whole pizza by myself, but now i'm full after a snack bar and water. The last thing I got before heading to my room was a bag of frozen peas for my foot.

A car door shut outside meaning dad was home, shit I need to hurry and get up the stairs. I speed limped down the hall and up the stairs hearing the front door open and slam shut right when I made it to my room door. Looking back I heard him slur my name which meant he was drunk and I was safe for another night. His room was downstairs and he couldn't make it up here when he was drunk. The only time something happened was when we were face to face and I tried to make that a rare occurrence.

I was welcomed by the smell of my mom when walked into my room and locked the door shut. She was in love with a specific candle, Pink Sands. I always kept it lit. Walking over to my dresser I kissed the only picture I had left of her. I sighed sadly, my eyes beginning to water slightly. How did my life come to this?

After my mini pity party I walked into my bathroom that to my advantage, was connected to my room. I took of my shirt being careful not to hit the ugly masses of bruised skin that was almost my entire torso. I turned away from the mirror not wanting to see the rest of my body as I stripped. Turning the water all the way on hot, I grabbed a towel and threw it over the shower curtain. I checked to see if the water had gotten hot yet and when I was satisfied I stepped it. Often I took showers multiple times a day, not because I was dirty, but because I like how the warm water made me forget everything, made me feel as close to safe as I could get in my own house even if it was only for a little while.

After doing all of the shower-ly things people do I threw a towel on my head for my hair and a big t-shirt that went almost to my knees. I plugged in the lights I had draped around my headboard and switched off the ceiling light. Pulling the covers back on my bed, I laid down. I didn't own a tv or anything fancy. Just a laptop that my mother had gotten me for my 16th birthday. I kept it hidden under a lose floorboard along with a stash of cash, incase dad were to ever come in here. No telling what he would do.

I knew that I couldn't stay here forever, but I don't have a clue how to leave. He'll come after me. He made that much clear.

The peas that I grabbed earlier had thawed just enough so I propped up my foot with a pillow and placed them around my ankle. I had pretty much become an expert on first aid in the last year, which was pretty pathetic.

I decided to look over my school schedule one more time before going to bed. It read: Calculus 165 MWF 7:30-9:20AM English 101 MWF 9:40-10:35 Chemistry 105 MWF 11:00-12:05 Biology TR 10:30-11:50 Biology Lab R 12:30-3-50. If you were wondering i'm a Microbiology major. I was actually really looking forward to school. Tomorrow being Monday I had to be at school for 7:30 AM so i would have to leave here at about 6:50, meaning i would have to wake up at 6:00. Yuck. I looked at the time on my iPhone, 11:46. Yep, time for bed. I set my alarm and threw the peas on the side of my bed. The swelling had went down a bit, so hopefully tomorrow wouldn't be too brutal.

I tucked a pillow in-between my legs and laid on my side getting comfortable. My eyelids started to get heavy and my head swarmed with thoughts of the past. My Mother. God I miss her. It's the same routine every night, think about her till I fall asleep. Not that I minded. With that I let the thought of her warm embrace and smile lull me to sleep.

A/N Pic of katie on the side

Edited on 4/19