I stare from the bus window; to conceal the fact I am writhing in agony I plant a very fake smile on my face. I continue to stare out of the window, the view is grey, just like everything else.
There is a tall stack of flats, clean, plain, grey. Nobody owns a home here, we live in sky high flats which can hold hundreds. My home is a couple of miles from my school. On the outskirts of South East Farvaxinasia, what used to be known as Newcastle many years ago. I know that we used to be in the North East, but what I think was known as 'London' went under water centuries ago due to over population and climate change...
The sky is grey, I look up in hope that the grey sky will part one day so that I can see the sun. I have never seen sunshine. Nor felt its warmth. But that will never happen. The sun is dead. Dead. A tiny unfulfilled dream of mine... so unrealistic.
A rush of pain is shooting down my back again. The wetness of the blood is beginning to show through my jumper. I close my eyes. I tell myself.
-Just breathe Ludelle-
The bus starts to slow, it has reached my stop, the tannoy speaks with a muffled female voice so I can briefly hear.
'Stop 1123.'
The bus slows as I stand. The pain is shooting down my back, I wobble back as I try to compose myself.
'Are you okay my dear?' An old frail woman asks as I go to stand.
I turn to be faced with an unfamiliar face. She has the most radiant blue eyes, her face pale and weak and her white hair just feathers to shape her face. She wore what we all have to wear. Our grey week suit.
I respond how we greet another here in Farvaxsinasia, I place my my hand out, palm up, she places her palm on mine and we nod.
'I am fine thank you.' I speak.
The woman watches me closely as I move. I can feel her watching.
'How comes you are limping?' The woman asks.
The bus comes to a halt. As I have arrived to my stop.
'I-I have to go.' I try to divert focus from myself.
'Its okay.' The woman says softly 'This is my stop too.' She slowly stands up. I instantly offer my aid.
This woman. I have never seen her around before. We get off the bus together as her arm is linked mine. Each step we are taking, my back gets wetter. My heart picks up its pace as I try to cover the pain I feel.
'What is your name?' The woman.asks.
'Ludelle.' I speak quickly so I give nothing away.
I walk alongside the woman on the path. My head is beginning to became light.
'So what did you do?' The woman looks at me with a hint of a smile. She knows.
I sigh 'I was not fully focused.'
She nods, whether it is in sympathy or just understanding I do not know.
I begin to drag my feet. She looks at me. Her eyes become wide with concern.
The blood is rushing to my head. I become dizzy, I try to focus on the woman. But everything turns black.
***
I groan as I begin to open my eyes. I am laying on something soft, as my eyes begin to open the light is bright; I suddenly feel a warm, wet cloth touch my bare back...
My bare back.
'Ouch!' I screech as I shoot up, my eyes fully widen as I begin to examine my surroundings. I am in my own home. My room.
'Ludelle?' I hear my Mothers voice.
I spin around to see my Mothers face. She looks at me attentively with her big brown eyes. They shine as if there is tears in them. Then I realise my top is off, and my shame is in the open.
I do not look at Mother. It hurts too much to look.
'We came looking for you.' My Mother speaks as if there is a stone in her throat 'We found you on your own. Bleeding.'
A tear runs down my face as I look up. I go to speak but stop. I screw up my face.
'Did you just say I was alone?' I ask.
My Mother nods.
'What is wrong?' My Mother can see my confusion in my face.
The woman... She must of been somebody made from my imagination, or she had left me after my collapse. I sit for a few seconds in silent. Then shake my head. I change the subject.
'Mother, I am so sorry.' I gesture my hands to point to my back.
My Mother hushes me. Another tear rolls down my face. My Mother draws me in for a hug.
'You can never shame me.' She whispers.
I bury my face into her hair. She has a motherly smell about her. It comforts me.
She dries my tears.
'Put your top on and come out for dinner.'
I nod as she leaves the room. As my door closes I stand. I head for my grey wardrobe to pull out another grey jumper.
***
I sit at the dinner table still confusing myself over the woman. All I can see as I see is blue. The blue of her eyes.
My Father sits at the head of the table and seems to be staring right at me. He does not speak.
If I have shamed anyone it would be my Father. He wants me more than ever to do well. To be put higher up in society. To prove to everyone that a woman can do well.
But I hate the history of law. The only subject that is compulsory and the only subject taught has to be the one I cannot get my head around.
My Mother stands next to the oven. Pasta and chicken was on tonight. Of course. We dont pick our own meals. They are carefully selected by our government and put into a diet plan to ensure that we have the optimum life; it smells good.
Mother serves the meal, she looks happy with herself as she smiles as she sits down saying.
'Dinner is served.'
Father continues to stare at me. I begin to squirm, pushing my pasta to one side with my fork. It is silent.
'So what were the lashings for?' Father breaks that silence.
'Felix!' Mother hisses.
'Luvia, this is a big deal! We need to know what's happened.'
'Not now.' Mother says with a hint of annoyance in her voice.
Before Father has a chance to speak. Sirens go off.
'This is a rebel attack' The tannoy speaks loud and clear.
My heart stops.. Everyone freezes. I look around at Mother and Father, they seem motionless. I can suddenly hear my heartbeat in my ears. I panic.
Mother and Father jump from their seats. Mother runs to the door... Putting all the bolts on then and then places a very large metal slab across the door. Father is pulling down metal shutters on the window and locking those too. They both finish, turn to eachother and run to secure the other rooms.
Once all done, Mother and Father guide me to a small room which is entirely metal. It takes Mother and Father both to close and lock the door. All three of us sit down.
I hear footsteps scuttling above us. Then I hear a gun shot. I go to scream, Father clamps his hand over my mouth.
'Shh!' He and Mother are breathing heavy.
My body is shaking. Nothing ever had happened like this before. All the equipment we have. The locks the bolts. Were just protocol.
So how comes there is a attack now?
