PASSAGE ( J. JUNGKOOK )

23:38

08. I WAS TIRED

i introduced you to my friends, and expected you to do the same in return.

you had none. instead of introducing me to those you shared your childhood with, we went back to your place that night and spoke nothing of it.

the night i found out about your condition, weeks after this, you explained that you dropped everyone when the cancer returned. gave them a reason to hate you so that maybe it wouldn't hurt them so much when you took your final breath. i understood why you did it. but the faltering smile you tried to maintain spoke louder than you ever could, and i knew that you were lonelier than you could ever admit.

i asked why you bothered with me, then.

"i was tired of not wanting to live."

i guess thinking that you had no reason to live made dying less interesting. you were just counting down the days, marking months off the calendar.

"nothing about my illness felt real, and it's only because i wasn't alive. how was i supposed to die if i'd never actually lived?"

and then you apologised. for letting me kiss you. for inviting me over. for even befriending me. you were crying, and i just...

"it's okay," i told you, my voice not as strong as i'd hoped it would be. it was all i could say. i didn't know how to comfort you, i'm sorry.

it wasn't okay. but it will be. i promise.

(and don't forget to get your friends back.)

TWENTY-TWO MINUTES REMAINING