Dear Diary...

Losing Your Everything

I saw him at the mall every once in a while. Tucker, I mean. I never spoke to him, just saw him and passed by. Then one day it clicked, I loved Tucker. I loved him more than you can love many things. 

It was the beginning of Freshman year, and I was so incredibly ready for high school. I didn’t go to school with Tanner still, even though I wanted to more than anything. I wanted to see him every single day, see what he was wearing, who he was talking to, maybe even have a class with him. But we don’t always get what we want, nope, in my case that is definitely not what happens.

It all started with such a bang. So many friends, old and new, fresh new faces, especially boy faces. My face was pretty fresh as well, I no longer had shiny braces, instead I had this beautifully white, straight smile. And my acne? Thanks to some hard drugs that was about to be clearing up as well. Oh! And we can’t avoid the board-like chest, that was no loner board like. 

These were all such nice things, I loved the attention, I live for it. But it was never from who I wanted the attention from. One day I finally wrote on Tuckers Myspace. I messaged him saying, “Hey Tuck... I know it’s been a while. How’s school?! Do you like it? I was thinking we could meet up... Talk about it... Go to a movie or something?”

It took me hours to decide whether or not to press send. I did what any in sane girl would, I pressed it. I sent that message off into the interwebz abyss and hoped that he would feel the same way. He had to, right? He had to love me back. You can’t just love someone and have completely counter acting feelings about it... Right?

One day goes by... Two... Three? Almost a week. A week of no reply. Then one day it finally came in, the message I was waiting for. “charlee!” ...Ew, Charlee? When the hell did he ever call me Charlee? “it has been a while ha. well you know, i kind of have a new girl... her name’s taylor. i think you would really like her. we’ll talk later.”

He was wrong. Dead, fucking wrong. I hated her. Not yet, but Lord have mercy on my soul for the things I would do to that girl today for what she did to me.

Inevitably I was upset, beyond upset. I spent every day in bed, thinking about him back and forth and back wondering what I did wrong, what is so great about this Taylor girl? I mean yeah she’s cute, and a year older so she can drive, and she’s vegetarian? This girl is like, the perfect teenage girl! What the hell man, what am I supposed to do to keep up with that? She does her hair every day, and wears matching clothes? We were polar opposites. I mean, I figured we were polar opposites. I had never actually met this girl. Just stalked the shit out of her profile.

It was a year after we had met. My friend and I decided to head down town for New years once again. I had bronchitis, I mean if we’re speaking honestly, my voice was deeper than 60% of the boys in my grade, it was awful. I figured though, whatever, I’ll have no reason to talk to anyone. We were standing in the mall watching some dancers when my friend, Jesse actually screams, “Dude! What’s up! It’s been so long! You never hang out!” then I hear a little voice say, “Hey babe, I’m gonna go pee real quick.” I turned to see the commotion when I locked eyes with him. All the messages I sent that he never replied to. The texts, the phone calls. All that anger and hurt disappeared the moment my bright blue eyes recognized his deep green ones. We just stared for a second, until I noted a hand creep around his shoulders with blood red nail polish on those prissy little fingers. I adjusted my gaze to meet her ice cold stare. 

I got nervous, with zero clue of what to do, I tried to introduce myself, “Hi!... er...” Everybody had wide eyes instantly. Bitch began to smirk as I sputtered blood blood from my ripped throat. I saw him try to come to help, and her grip just tightened, giving a silent head shake telling him he wasn’t allowed from her side. I was disgusted. Absolutely disgusted. I officially hadn’t just lost my love, but my best friend. And he, he lost his balls.

But don’t worry... It wasn’t for good. Oh no. I said it once, and I will say it again, Charlotte Shane stops at nothing, especially when it comes down to my everything.

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Sorry for such a delay! Senior year is kind of a bitch. Hah but here we go! On to the more interesting part of the stories. So many characters start to get involved... But it’s okay, we’ll all stay straight no problem.

Hope whoever is reading this enjoys!

XXOO

Kim