My Monster

Once You're At Your High

The instense rush lasted several minutes,

and I was in love with every feeling,

Every moment it had come into affect.

Then all of the sudden I felt so calm, 

This warming sensation krept over me,

Completely enveloping me in,

I felt like I was in fucking Utopia.

I was so calm, so relaxed.

I never wanted to leave here,

This was my amazing high,

my crash-coarse of unreality,

but my dream land.

This was me,

This wasn't me.

This was myself,

but it wasn't at the same time.

I was fucked-up.

And it felt too-good to be true.

I was scared, but I was calm.

It was easy, but it was hard.

All of these thoughts became one living thing.

All of these thoughts regulated back to my life.

And that is the moment, that was the pure, helpless moment 

that I thought of my father.

I don't know why I did, but I just did.

And I pictured him looking at me now,

me and my fucked-up self.

And it fel so unnatural.

I wanted out,

I wanted to cry.

I wanted to take back everything.

I now knew,

I was just so fucked.

I had dug myself deep in this monster hole,

and now there was nothing left of the real me,

There was nothing left of the person I used to be.

But that's the problem with people like me, all these addicts;

stuck up in their fucked-up minds.

Once you're at the party,

There's no leaving the scene.