If I Lose Myself (Resident Evil 4)

Losing Faith

The next section of the castle was huge. It was also a place I had never been before. I had seen sketches of it, from when it was being built, but never had I been here. Not until now.

As we ventured deeper into the room, I thought I heard screaming. A girl's screaming.

"Leon, do you hear that?" I asked. His lips moved to answer, but another male's voice came from behind.

"Leon!" I knew that voice, not well, but I did recognize it. So did Leon apparently.

"I've got it!" Luis Sera, a scientist that would sometimes check on my condition, exclaimed in triumph. Then his expression changed to one filled with shock and pain. A shriek escaped my lips when a tentacle-like appendage burst from his chest. Something fell from his hand. He was thrown away like a rag doll. Blood spattered everywhere, including on my ivory dress. My hand came to cover my mouth to hide another shriek.

"Saddler!" I heard Leon yell. My head rose from Luis's barely breathing form only to see the Devil incarnate in front of me.

"Now that I have the sample, I have no use for you," he said to the dying man. He turned to Leon. "My boy Salazar will make sure you follow the same fate." He walked away with whatever had fallen from Luis's hand.

Leon turned his attention to Luis. "Stay with me," Leon said to him. I stood to the side as Luis's blood pooled around my feet. They spoke to each other until Luis took his final breath. I could feel my body shaking. Tears flowed like a river from my eyes.

"Oh my God," I quietly said.

"I thought you..." Leon started.

"Stop, please. Just do not say anything," I said. I was very well aware I had used God's name in vain, something I reprimanded others for doing. But had He done anything to protect Leon, Ashley, or even myself? No. Perhaps what Jack had said so long ago was true. There would be no help from the man above.

I was pulled from my daze by the sound of a gunshot. My feet were yet in Luis Sera's blood. Blood that would forever leave a stain on me. His blood was on my feet and my dress. Stains that would disappear from my body but never my soul.

Another shot and a girl's scream. This time I turned toward the sound. Leon had a rifle raised. I glanced over the railing. A beach blonde girl about my age was being held against the wall by metal restraints. A third shot and the girl was free. This must have been the President's daughter. She ran to a door and pulled on it.

"It's locked! I can't get through!" she called in an annoyingly high pitched voice. That was when the chanting began. A red cloaked Ganado came into sight, followed by those in black.

"The red one should have a key, right Princess?" Leon asked. I absent-mindedly nodded. Maybe six gunshots later, Ashley's annoying voice announced she had a key. Then she was gone, venturing alone through parts of the castle.

"Do you think she'll be okay on her own?" Leon asked as he came back to me.

"If she is smart, yes." I had a feeling her and I would not be getting along.

"Amor, what's wrong?" Leon asked.

"Saddler, he murdered Luis in cold blood. He never hesitated," I said in a breaking voice.

"You've seen me kill Ganados left and right, and this bugs you?"

"The Ganados are no longer people!" I yelled unexpectedly. Leon's eyes widened slightly in surprise. I lowered my voice. "Luis was human, with a soul. The Ganados are shells of what they used to be. Seeing them die does not bother me because they are not human anymore."

"You know, sometimes I wish the Plagas had affected me the same it did the villagers, to my mother. Then maybe I would have freedom. Maybe I would have some kind of peace," I finished.

"You're going to get out of here. All of us are. We'll be fine," Leon tried to assure me. I could not help but laugh.

"Leon, we both know I was never going to leave. They will not allow it." I stopped talking when the sound of a creaking door resonated through the room. Ashley came running toward Leon, nearly screaming his name. They exchanged words while I stayed off to a side.

"Who is she?" Ashley asked. She sounded upset, and sent me the smallest of glares. Now I knew we would not be getting along.

"My name is Amor LaCienega. And I do not need to be told who you are Ashley," I tried to say as politely as possible. A fake smile adorned my face. She quickly turned her head from me. How I wanted to hit her.

"Let us be off then. We should leave before others come looking for her," I said. "Lord knows we would not want to lose her again."