Forbidden: A 1D Fan Fiction

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve:

Two weeks later and I still hadn't gotten any information from Linsay.  Jaeson was still out there and probably planning on what he was going to do  to me.   I sat in my room thinking about what he could do to me.  He could kill me quick and easy or he could make me suffer, like in the Saw movies.  Every time I thought about what he could do, I started to tremble.  I truly was scared of Jaeson, but I knew I couldn't be.  I had no choice but to be strong and end this once and for all. 

I took a deep breath and looked at the clock: 11:45 P.M.  I sighed and decided I should go take a shower before bed.  I walked into the bathroom and got the water running.  The sound of the falling water was reassuring.  I took another deep breath to calm myself and began to strip.  As I took my shirt off, I noticed that my bruises on my arm and shoulder were still there.  

I walked over to the mirror and saw my bruise on my stomach was still there too.  They weren't deep purple anymore, but they weren't the fading yellow color either.  They were a mix of brown and red with yellow around the edges.  I sighed and told myself that I brought it on myself.  I poked the ones on my arm and stomach to see how tender they were.  My arm bruise didn't hurt terribly bad, but my stomach bruise hurt like no other.  

You did this to yourself, I said to myself.  I would have to hide these from Harry, he would never forgive himself or me if he saw these.  I walked away from the mirror and stepped into the warm bathwater.  As I washed my body, I couldn't stop thinking about Jaeson.  I submerged my whole body under the water and closed my eyes.  I focused on my breathing to try to calm me down.  Breathe in, breathe out.  No matter how many times I said that in my mind and performed the breathing, I couldn't keep Jaeson out.  

All I could think about was what I would do if Jaeson found me or where I could be if he found me.  What would I do if I was in the park?  What if  I was home alone?  Or with Harry?  My stomach dropped at the thought of Harry finding out.  He already hates me a little bit for pushing him and myself for the training, I couldn't fathom what he would say if he found out I had lied to him.  A little white lie he could forgive, but a huge lie like this. . .  I couldn't imagine what would happen.  

I took a deep breath and submerged my whole head into the warm water.  As I laid on the bath floor, I thought of possible escape routes.  If I was in the park and he came up behind me, I could elbow his stomach and run into the shadows.  If I was home alone, I would fight with him and then, if I get the chance, run to the kitchen and grab a weapon.  

What if he had a weapon?  What would I do then?  I felt my brows scrunch together in my worry and low breath.  I emerged from the water and took another deep breath before I went back under.  I had been okay with throwing knives back in Iowa.  My brother taught me how to hunt small game with them when I was eight, right before he moved out.  I only used them on targets though, I never could bring myself to kill an innocent animal.

I had another realization: I would probably have to kill Jaeson.  Would I be able to do that?  Jaeson was a monster, but I have never intentionally harmed someone or something in my whole life.  Could I really kill him, if I needed to?  Jaeson was my first real love, my first real kiss, my first real nightmare.  He may have deserved to die, but I couldn't do it.  

He may have deserved every inhumane punishment known to man for what he did to me, but I wouldn't let it happen.  Part of me still cared for Jaeson and always will.  It may have been masked by my hatred and fear for him, but it was still there.  I felt my breath cutting short again, so I went back up for air.  When I emerged from the water again, I stayed up and thought about how I would disarm Jaeson.

I would fight with him for a while, but only to tire him out.  Then I would overpower him and disarm him if he had a weapon.  I would try to knock him out or find some way of restraining him.  That would be the best that I could do.  I would not kill Jaeson, I would not seriously harm him either.  I loved him too much for that.