Inside of Me ━ Isabelle Lightwood

XVI. THE FEELING OF BEING UNWANTED (REPRISE)

Isaac had a nice couple of hours at Magnus'. Mostly, it was spent listening to the warlock drone on and on about how amazing Alec looked the last time he saw him. He also asked a lot of questions about the Shadowhunter, and Isaac answered with a laugh. Being with Magnus was much better than chasing after Clary.

He laughed, drank, and never once spoke about himself. That was a good thing about Magnus, he always had something to say about himself or his latest fling. But Isaac was sure that Alec would be more than just a fling by the way the warlock spoke about him.

They had talked about how tall he was, and how much Magnus loved taller men. ("Height difference is hot," Magnus smirked.) The warlock had also told him that they had held eye contact for ten seconds, and it was 'steamy'. Isaac laughed, nothing with Alec was steamy.

It felt a little weird, talking about Alec Lightwood when Isaac was sure that he liked his sister, Isabelle. Talking about Alec, though, made him feel uncomfortable, especially after Magnus shared his fantasy he had about Alec.

(It was Christmas morning and Magnus woke up to find a naked Alec under the tree, a bow right where his junk was.)

(Isaac shuddered at it.)

But, all good (and some scarring) things had to come to an end. It was in the middle of a conversation about how luscious Alec's hair was when he got the call, and Isaac debated answering it or not.

It was Clary. It was always Clary and her picture on his phone, smiling with her hair as red as ever. She was calling him, and he didn't want to answer. He wanted to be selfish and spend more time with Magnus, but he knew he couldn't.

Magnus gave him a getaway, but he had to go back to reality sometime. He had to return back to Clary, fix their relationship and try to be a better brother than he had been. So, with a sigh, he reluctantly answered the phone.

"Hello?" he asked, dreading whatever would come from Clary's side.

"Isaac? Where are you right now?" she asked in an urgent tone. Immediately, Isaac sat up. While he still wasn't on the best terms with her, he still cared about her well-being greatly.

"Magnus', why?" Isaac asked, before adding with concern, "Clary, what's going on?"

"I may have turned Simon into vampire and now he's run away and thinks he's a monster," Clary explained quickly, and Isaac could hear that she was running.

Isaac groaned, reality was definitely calling. "And what do you need me for?"

"Please, can you help Raphael and I find Simon and then take him to the hotel?" Clary asked, unsure whether or not he would actually agree.

He didn't want to. Isaac wanted to say no, pretend like the conversation never happened and listen as Magnus droned on about Alec. He wanted that, he wanted to be selfish, but he knew he couldn't.

Clary needed him, and he had to be there. And while he would never admit it, he did care about the being of the mundane. Not that much, he wouldn't have any sort of emotion if he was nearly dying, but he could relate in some way with Simon.

Both were monsters. Both were ugly and terrible Downworlders who were monsters and hated themselves. He wanted to help Simon see good in it, though, like he had done. Or, he was trying to do.

It was harder than it seemed. He hated himself so much for everything he had. Letting Allison die, leaving them when they needed him, abandoning Chris so that he could find his own family. He hated that he had almost killed people – wanted to kill people. He would have killed Lydia, then he was ready to murder Jackson. And if it weren't for Scott, he would have taken on Ethan and Aidan.