The couch dipped under me, and I listened as mom droned on about something she read in the paper. I was too engulfed in you to care. You hadn't left yet, I know because you texted telling me that. You want to come in but I'm not entirely sure I'm ready for my mom to meet the white boi that you are.
"Honey, is there something wrong?" I finally look at my mom. Her brows are furrowed and her wild locks are pulled into a very messy bun. "You haven't heard a single thing I've said, I can tell by the way you keep glancing between your phone and the door. Are you expecting someone?"
"No, someone is expecting me. The person I went out to eat with is sitting in his car in the driveway and wants to come inside." My mom raised the brow at the mention of you being a boy, and I could easily see the excitement in her eyes.
"Well, are you going to keep the boy waiting or let him in?" Mom was giddy, tapping her toes out of excitement.
"I'm going to keep him waiting, gotta keep them on their toes. Plus, it's kind of messy in here. Probably going to deep clean this weekend." We moved here near the end of my Junior year, and I spent most the summer hanging out with my friends and being the unsociable social butterfly with them. There is clutter on the shelves and such, but I'm feeling oddly inspired to clean the house to full extent, and it would probably make mom happy as well. Plus, with Penelope running through here with her two dogs (who she brings over often) it would probably surprise her as well.
"Ooo, good thinking. But can I still meet him?" She was antsy and I laughed, quietly noting that you have texted me four times in a row because I'm not texting you back as quickly as you'd like (new record).
"That's something you do when I start dating him. He's just a friend mom." Jace only laughs at this statement, clearly seeing through my very poor lie. There's a honk, making mommy dearest and I to jump. "Well, gotta go chase him off."
"Don't be too cruel." I laugh, knowing that mom understands I couldn't harm a fly even if I tried. Swinging the door open I see your face, covered in a shit eating grin. The car light illuminating your face in one of the goofiest ways possible.
"Go home, ya shit!" You laugh, shaking your head and nod. "Don't text and drive either!" You send me another nod, kicking the car in reverse and waving goodbye. I let out a small yawn, not tired but merely sleepy. "Mom, I'm gonna head downstairs and do homework. Probably fall asleep too. I love you night." I lean down, kissing her forehead and heading downstairs.
I take a look around my room, deciding that it looked like a literal shit den, and seeing as I didn't want to do my homework I had found the perfect distraction. I deep cleaned, rearranged, and deep cleaned again before calling Penelope. She picked up on the second ring.
"So I just deep cleaned and found like seven full outfits that you left here." There was a yawn and a shuffle. "Get me some cookies on your way here." Then I hung up and flopped on my bed. My mind fell into this deep dark pit of you. I shouldn't be so hot and bothered by it, but I am. You get me going in ways I can't imagine. So I zone and wait to hear the very lovely ring tone of Penelope (it's her best burp on loop in case you were wondering).
-
"Spill every damn thing, because it has to be juicy if you ditch me for it. Like honestly hoe, who do you think you are?" I only stare at her, deciding on how much I should spill. I decide with the minimum, making the executive decision to tell you that our little friendship is to stay secret until I'm ready for it to come out.
"It was simple. He was at the doors when I was leaving, and offered me a ride. I said yes and on the way home he got me some food to help calm me I guess, comfort food. Then he dropped me off and left. It was nothing big and huge. No feeling confessions or giggle flirts. It was boring and everything I needed it to be so I can get over him."
I watched her, long and hard. She sat on the edge of my bed, her lips pursed. I expected her to push, insist that wasn't it. But I guess I'm a good actor because she just sighed and gently pat my leg.
"Honey, I'm sorry. I wish he would have been better to you. I wish there were sparks and butterflies and words that you wanted to hear. I wish he made your dreams come true and gave himself the honor of being with you. I'll kick him in the balls tomorrow if you'd like?" I guess I'm a good actor.
I wanted to tell her so bad. Wanted to let her know that there was sparks. That it was everything I wanted to hear although it was everything I didn't need to hear. I wish I could tell her that I'm farther in the wormhole of you, but I couldn't until I was in more solid ground. Because right now, when it comes to you, I'm not certain of anything. There isn't a damn thing I'm one hundred percent of when it comes to you, except the fact that I know you're the one that I want now, and it's driving me mad.
"It's fine, now I'm just one step closer to getting over him. Which is what I needed to be doing from the start but I haven't been. I should've left his ass on read from day one." Penelope only sighed, flopping herself on the bed and checking her phone.
"I wish I could stay but I have to go, dad said I had to be home by ten because he found out about the all nighter. Not that I kept it much of a secret though." I only laugh, shoving her off the bed. She groans, raising her hand to flip me off and I laugh. "I'll drive safe and text you when I get home. Love you bitch."
"Love you two." I watched her sashay up the stairs, and listened for the sound of her car starting up and driving off before I roll over and grab my phone. There's a message from you on snapchat.
White Boi:
Today was fun, thanks for letting me have a better chance.
Me:
Who am I to deprive anyone from being my friend? I'm friggin great.
Also, I gotta tell you something important. Or at least talk to you about it anyways.
White Boi:
What is it?
Me:
Our little friendship, could we possibly keep it a secret until we're both 100% sure this is what we want?
White Boi:
And by 'we' I'm sure you mean me, seeing as I pretended you don't exist. But I understand and I'm willing to do whatever will make you comfortable. At least this way I won't get jumped if something goes wrong.
Not that anything would go wrong, because I'm going to try my hardest to make sure that doesn't happen, but ya know. A just in case type of thing.
And the conversation carried from there. We stayed up way late, probably too late seeing as I also hadn't slept the previous night and needed the sleep for tomorrow. I didn't care though, it was worth it. You were worth it.
YOU ARE READING
Secrets
Romance"He gives me butterflies every time he's around, even when I think about him. And it isn't the cute kind either. It's the kind that rip your stomach open, and it fucking hurts." Letters to Jasper, written by Jupiter, that he'll never get.
