The Love (Dis)connection

Chapter 10

He sat still and quiet beside me. I thought he wasn’t going to speak up at all.

“Remember when I told you about my ex? I was so devastated about it. Then I met you, and you treated me like you treated everybody else. To some, I was just this dork, this scholar kid from the province. But to you, I was a friend; you didn’t make me feel this whole urban-province dweller schism that I felt from the other kids in school. You’re so smart and still so cool, and around you, I felt like I could be myself.”

I dropped my face on to my hands. “I was just being myself.”

“I know, I know,” he soothed me. “I’m not blaming you for me falling in love with you.” He gestured to the stack of papers, to his guitar. “Look at this, you even got me writing songs—something I have never thought of doing before you.”

I looked at him, really looked at him, and for the first time, I noticed the little stress lines on his forehead, the crinkle on the corner of his eyes when he smiled, the warmth in his brown eyes.

I waited for a rush of romantic feelings, that thrill that courses through me whenever Jack gazed at me. I waited for my heart to pound. Nada. I didn’t feel anything but…but friendship for this really sweet guy.

“I…I’m sorry,” I said faintly.

He actually patted my hand. “It’s okay. I never really expected you to fall in love with me, too. Sometimes, we like someone who just can’t like us back, no matter how much they would wish to. The heart has its own reasons for liking someone, and I get that. Actually, I just told you how I felt because I wanted you to know that even though Jack doesn’t love you back, you’re still lovable to someone else. And that ‘someone else’ just happens to be me.”

I peered up at him from under my lashes. “So all these things you’ve been doing for me…all this time, were they all in view for making me fall for you, too?”

He chuckled. “No. I did all these because I loved you. And when you love someone, you want them to be happy, even when they don’t feel the same way. Even when they’re happier with someone else. You don’t love someone expecting them to feel the same way about you. I love you simply because I do.” He said it all so understatedly that I knew he was telling the truth.

“I’m too short,” I blurted out. I don’t know why I said that. Was it because I wanted him to think less of me? To have a starting point to not liking me because I felt guilty for not liking him back?

He looked amused. “I know. You’re a diminutive thing…taking up quite a big space in my heart.”

We lapsed into awkward silence—at least for me, it was. “I have to go, I think.”

He smiled sadly at me. “Please don’t change how you are around me.”

I stood up. “I won’t. It’s just that you gave me quite a lot to think about.”

“Okay then. Take care on your way home.” He escorted me to his door.

I stopped at the door and turned to him. “I’m sorry I don’t feel the same way. You’re a good man, Dante. I wish I—”

“Shhh.” He held out a finger against my lips to stop me. “I know. You don’t have to say it. But that’s just how life is. And you know what they say about good guys, right? The good guy doesn’t get the girl.” He chuckled good-naturedly but his eyes told a different story. “In this case, it’s just the other good guy who got to the girl first.” He stepped forward and pressed a kiss on my forehead.

I wanted to say something else but his eyes begged me to keep quiet. Without another word, I turned to go.

—0o0o0o0—

I wish I could say that after one or two months, Jack broke up with Eula because he realized he was in love with me. But to say that would be lying because he didn’t come back and he never fell for me.

I also wish I could say that I eventually fell out of love for Jack and have fallen in love with Dante instead. But while the former happened, the latter certainly did not. Dante was good, but, as he gently explained to me, we cannot choose whom we love, and we cannot force ourselves to love someone for reasons we cannot explain.

But I can at least tell you this: Jack and I eventually made up. Soon after the conversation with Dante, in fact. I sat down with Jack, asked him to give me some time, but that if he needed me, truly needed me, I will be there for him. It took me a long time to get over him. How do you stop loving someone if they never hurt you on purpose? How can you fall out of love if you fell in love with who they are, and who they are hasn’t changed?

Jack didn’t change; I simply had to let go of my feelings of wanting him to be my boyfriend. And in the end, I loved him enough to be happy that he was happy with Eula. Our friendship grew stronger than ever, and eventually Eula and I became great friends, too.

Dante and I remained good friends, and I have often thanked him for opening my eyes to what love means sometimes—that of letting go, that of wanting what’s best for someone, that of wanting the other to be happy, even if it’s not with you.

Besides, Mia, surprisingly, has been by his side all semester, trying to catch his attention. Apparently, she had never forgotten his fascination for literature. And she, in turn, became fascinated about him until she couldn’t take it anymore, and she went up to him and kissed him, in the school lawn, in front of everyone.

I guess I don’t have to describe how loudly the cheering was, right?