The Pregnancy Journal

My Dear,                                                                                                                 June 15

                Today your father and I found out about you. We were surprised, shocked, and caught off guard.  As you can tell you were not planned.

                We were sitting on my bed, your father holding my hand as I held the test. After two minutes of pure suspense a pink plus sign appeared and you entered our life.

                When I saw it I started to cry.  Unfortunately these were not tear of joy, but tears of fear. Your father pulled me into him and held me close. At that point I knew we were in this together, the three of us.

My Dear,                                                                                                               June 16 

                Today I’ve scheduled an OB/GYN appointment because of your father. He wants to make sure you’re not a false positive, but I know you’re there, I know you’re growing in me.

                So in a week we will find out if you are here of not. I think I will cry either way. I mean I’m growing an attachment to you the more I write to you, but then again I’m only seventeen and just starting my life. But here or not I love you.

My Dear,                                                                                                                   June 19

                Sorry for missing a few days of writing but I’ve been exhausted (a sign of pregnancy). I’ve got work, well babysitting, all day, and five days a week. Then I need to find time for my family, your father, and possibly you.

                Your grandparents (mine and your father’s side) have no clue that you exist. We’re waiting for the doctor to confirm you. We have a feeling you’re going to like your Aunt Ali, though. She is your father’s sister and is currently eight. She is always asking if your father and I are going to get married and have a baby one day.

                Well, we accomplished the baby part, but marriage? I’m not sure. I do love your father but I don’t know if your father loves us that much.

My Dear,                                                                                                                 June 20

                Tomorrow is my appointment to find out about you and I’m terrified. To be honest I’m scared you’re there. I’m scared of what will happen next. Between me and my family, my body, my life, but most of all your father.

                I know you’re there, which doesn’t make it any easier. I’m sorry I'm saying this but it’s true. You weren’t planed, you were a complete surprise. But if you are there I will love you and do what's best for you. I promise.

My Dear,                                                                                                                 June 21

                Today I cried, in the office, on the car ride home and on your father’s shoulder. I just couldn’t stop. I don’t think I’ve ever cried this much in one time.