Refound Love (YTSTMB sequel)

Part twenty

PJ P.O.V.

2:01am. Hood up, sprinting down the roads, powered by the sparks alighting in my legs and my arms and my chest. Hands in pockets, breathing quick, feet feeling like they were hardly hitting the ground.

2:08am. I slow to a walk. I punch in the eight-digit pin that gains me access to the building.

2:10am. A knock on the door. Less than a second till I'm pulled inside by him tugging on my hand, his bottom lip trapped in between in his teeth.

"Hey beautiful," I say, closing the door behind me and in a moment, my fingers are tangled in his tousled hair and we're kissing, hungry for each other. We didn't see each other that long ago but that was when these actions were strictly prohibited to the point where they may as well have been illegal, because we weren't allowed to love each other, especially not like this.

12 HOURS BEFORE

"What time are Dan and Phil coming over?" I called over to Chris who was in the kitchen making tea. I was laid out on the sofa with my feet propped up, resting against the arm chair while I tapped away on my phone, responding to some emails. I was glad Chris wasn't near me when I asked the question, otherwise he would've seen me smile when I mentioned his name.

"I don't know, like, in half an hour maybe? Phil didn't give a time," Chris replied as he came in, holding two mugs and putting down on the coffee table. "I know you said you didn't want tea but I made you some anyway. Move up."

"You're amazing," I said, doing the nearest thing to 'moving up' by sitting up a little so Chris could sit down. When he was settled I put my head down on his lap and tucked my phone away. "Why are they coming over?" I reached for free hand and played with it - running my fingers down his, tracing circles in his palm and then turning it over and doing the same.

"Bored."

"Do you think they're having relationship problems again?"

"No, Phil would've mentioned it. They're better than ever, apparently."

"That's good," I was slightly disappointed because it meant they would be all loved-up (or as much as they could be, due to the situation) and I'd have to see it. But an hour later, once Dan and Phil were here, they seemed to keep the contact to a minimal. When I answered the door they weren't holding hands like usual, and when they sat next to each other there wasn't any more than the odd accidental shoulder brushing. 

I tried to pry my eyes away from Dan but I liked it too much when his locked with mine and he turned a light shade of pink that he tried to hide by coughing and putting his hands near his face. 

"I can't, I'm away this weekend," Phil said, bringing me back down to Earth and making me pay attention. 

"What? You're away? Where?" Dan asked, looking confused. 

"Back home, remember? My mum wants me to go to a wedding. I'll be home on Tuesday."

"When are you leaving?" 

"There's a train just after six. I did tell you, Dan."

"Oh," Dan started fiddling with the ends of his hair which said he didn't know what to say next. After a couple of moments of silence Phil piped up again.

"I need the loo..." Phil said awkwardly and left the room. 

"Peej, help me make the next round of tea," Dan whined, sluggishly getting up. 

"Do it yourself."

"I can't carry four mugs, that's a health and safety issue." 

"What a shame," I rolled my eyes but went into the kitchen after Dan anyway, partially closing the door behind us. He had turned around to the face the sink and he was filling up the kettle so his back was facing me. I glanced back to the door and then quickly snaked my arms around his waist, my chin resting on his shoulder. 

"Peej," he whispered hurriedly. "Not now." 

"See you tonight?" 

"Yeah," I saw his mouth curl into a smile. 

"I'll be there after midnight, I'll sneak out after Chris is asleep," I said almost inaudibly. He looked uncertain once I mentioned the time. "We need to keep suspicions to a low." 

And so that's what happened. Phil left for the north, leaving Dan behind alone in their empty apartment to his own devices. I stayed back at home with Chris, trying to stay productive. 

Night fell and the closer it ticked to midnight the more jittery I got. 'Excited' was the wrong word to use but it was closest to what I meant since I couldn't wait to see Dan. But with increasing butterflies came guilt about Chris and what I was doing. 

I wanted to tell him. Really, I did. I wanted to tell him I had slipped back into the past and that my heart was aching for Dan again, that I was being selfish behind his back and that Dan was more than willing to accept it all. 

But I couldn't. I couldn't tell him. Chris was strong, emotionally, but I knew I was the only one who could break through that barrier and that telling him would only completely tear him apart. I hated having the power, especially over Chris who wouldn't deliberately hurt anyone. But still, I loved the secrets and the creeping around, it added imperfections to my life. 

I stayed up, watching pointless TV to try and kill time with my head on my boyfriend's shoulder who had no idea about my plans for sneaking out. He went to bed just after midnight so I lowered the TV volume, listening out for him. He could take ages to settle, especially when he was in bed alone so I stayed up despite his protests to try and lure me into the bedroom with him, and then almost two hours later, when I crept to the door of the bedroom, I heard his deep breathing. 

I didn't waste any time in putting on a coat and heading out, closing and locking the front door as quietly as I could.

That's what brought us to now. My arms were around Dan's neck now with his around my waist, we had broke away and were swaying in the dimly-lit corridor. He giggled and tilted his head to the side, those gorgeous brown eyes still locked with mine. 

"What's so funny?" I asked, smiling at the sound of his laugh. 

"Nothing. I'm just... happy." 

And was exactly what we were. The kind of happy where you feel light and airy. Where nothing else matters and the rest of the world has melted away with all your problems and troubling thoughts. We weren't supposed to feel like this but our hearts had taken over and blocked out everything else that wasn't love for each other.

"Can't you stay the night?" Dan asked.

"I wish I could but I need to be home for when Chris wakes up." 

"But will you stay? Just for a couple of hours?" 

"Sure," I kissed him when he opened his mouth again to speak. "Shh. Just relax. I'm not going anywhere and no one's going to bother us. Okay? Relax. You need a lie down though, you're shattered." 

He shrugged, "I'll survive another hour or two. But come sleep with me. Lie with me, I need you." 

"Of course," he detached himself and held my hand as he guided me through their apartment and into his room. We lay on the bed, both flat on our backs, the backs of our hands and knuckles brushing until our palms were pulled together with our fingers again.

And then we just talked. Easy conversation flowed from one topic to another. Science. Music. News. Friends. Videos. It appeared to be endless until our voices cracked from our throats being dry and we turned on our sides to face each other. 

"Sleep," I told him and he ran his fingers up my side. 

"Only if you do too. Set an early alarm or something. Please, please stay." 

"Okay," I agreed, giving into how desperate he looked. I set an alarm for 8am and put my phone under pillow, shifting a little to get more comfortable. "What're you doing?" I asked when Dan and turned around and was on his other side, his back facing me. 

"I always sleep on this side. Deal with it." 

"Right," I moved up closer to him, putting on leg over his then arm over his middle. I kissed the back of his neck and he shuddered. "Sleep," I repeated and I got a weak 'yeah' as a reply.