Refound Love (YTSTMB sequel)

Part thirty (END)

Phil P.O.V.

It'd been a month since I came home. A month of distrust, arguments and begging. Begging not from just Dan, but from me as well because of the threats we made. Pointless threats that would never happen, but threats that seemed too real, too promising in that moment. We were both guilty of saying things we didn't mean, implying actions we'd never do and using things from the past to hurt each other.

It was healthy though, I had read somewhere, it was healthy to argue and confront things that we should've sorted out months ago rather than keeping it all inside of us. It was exhausting, all the shouting and tears, but it was like we both knew it was the only way to help repair everything we had lost because in the mornings after we had forgiven each other and made up with some mumbles and a long tight hug, and at some point in the embrace, one of us would say 'it gets worse before it gets better'.

Thinking that we would be over, completely over, wasn't rare, but the thought of never being in contact of any sort with Dan terrified me. It was usually these moments where I had to put my own feelings aside and really look at the boy in front of me. He was my best friend, who had not only being put up with Paranoid Phil, but also had to cope with the feeling of knowing he had been played, and he was hurting, just like I was.

"I didn't want to- I didn't want to love him, but I couldn't help it! You really think I'd really choose him over you?! Look, maybe I made that mistake before, but it was just that! A mistake, just a mistake!" He sighed heavily and ruffled his hair, his outburst had shocked me. "I love you, I've always loved you. I've never loved him like I love you."

"Dan," I said softly, cautiously stepping forward until I was in front of him, putting my hands on his elbows of his arms that were crossed. He didn't say anything and kept his hard stare, but I could see that his shoulders dropped and tears forming in his eyes. He was wearing a t-shirt, so my fingertips dragged themselves up and down his bare upper arms until they unfolded and their extended route continued this so they were going down to his wrists and back up to his shoulders.

"Phil..."

"Please don't give up on me."

I knew I was hard work, and that no one would have stuck around this long, but I needed him to stay because I knew we were worth the fight.

"It never crossed my mind."

Somewhere along the struggle, the sun broke through the clouds and it got easier. One day I woke up and I wasn't angry anymore. I wasn't upset or heartbroken, because I had accepted what happened said what I needed to and I was ready now to let it all go. The trust wasn't quite there, but we were working on it. If Dan was out and I was in the apartment working on something, he'd call me up every so often and tell me where he was and what he was doing. We often went out by ourselves, just to breathe and let the other have some space. We were fixing our friendship but it could be suffocating, and sometimes what we needed what just a breath of fresh air.

Rude remarks turned into jokes, crying turned into laughter.

It was getting better. The end of the dark tunnel that we had so badly craved was near.

-

"DAN! I'm going out!"

"Alright, call me if you need to. See you later!" He called from his room. I smiled, picking up my keys and left.

I walked to Chris and PJ’s that was really just PJ's at the moment since Chris was still at a friend's. Chris had told me some days before that he was feeling better being away, but he wasn't ready to face PJ yet. It was handy for me, since I wanted to talk to PJ alone to double-check some things and clear the air.