Never Alone

Chapter 1

Charlotte's P.O.V

I walk up the steps and pause at the door. I have two options, I walk in and satan's spawn will be waiting for me or I walk away and I will never have to look back again. I sigh and put my hand on the cold brass doorknob because I know which one I am going to pick. If it wasn't for the sweet, innocent, little girl inside, probably scared out of her wits right now, then I wouldn't do what I am about to. I closed my eyes and let the rain soak through my clothes, mentally preparing myself for what was about to come. I tried to sneak up to my room but the squeaky steps made it impossible. She heard me.

"So you think you can slip out for a few moments and I wouldn't notice. Well news flash sweetheart, this is my house and I'd be damned if I didn't know what went on in it. And what kind of sister are you leaving Ania all alone. Don't you think about anyone but yourself? You're a selfish twat Charlotte, I'm ashamed to call you my daughter." That wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, but I still let it get to me. I mean she's right, what kind of person am I to leave my little sister in this hell hole all alone. I close my eyes, taking deep breaths to try and silence the noise. I knew this was going to happen, I brought it upon myself. I step out of the cold, wet clothes that stick to my body. I look at myself through the full length mirror I have in my room and turn away quickly. I am disgusted with what I see, of what I have become. My ribs have become visible, my arms and legs slender, and the dark circles under my eyes are very noticeable. It's not me, it is not who I am. I hear a small voice coming from the other side of my door.

"Why did you leave me again?" I put my back against the door and slid down it with my head in my hands. I was disappointed with myself. How could I possibly do this to her?

"I didn't leave, I'm right here."

"But you left, I was afraid you weren't going to come back. I thought I was going to have to suffer alone." The last part she said in the smallest voice, it was almost impossible to hear. After a minute I heard the patter of her feet moving across the floorboards going farther away from my room followed by a little click. I couldn't help but let the tears roll down my face. I was disappointed in myself, I had one job and I failed to do it.

You're such a bad sister.
You are so selfish.
How could you leave her like that?
You made her cry,
What kind of sister makes her little sister cry?
Ania doesn't need you...
...Do it.
You know you want to.

My eyes shut tightly. The noise was so loud, it was hard to ignore. It was like there are demons in my thoughts and they wouldn't shut up. I had to stay strong I couldn't give into it, not again, I keep giving them power and playing their games. But I am weak, so I can't say that I'm surprised when I give into them again. I get up and walk towards the bathroom, stopping right before the cold tiles. I know I shouldn't do it, it's not right, but I can't help myself. It seems that the only way to take the pain away is by inflicting more pain on yourself, it doesn't make any sense but it's the only thing that works. I step on to the tiles, instantly sending shivers throughout my body. I saw it glimmering, almost like it was smiling at me, taunting me because I am giving into the temptation. I picked up the strip of metal and it felt so good felt, the weight of it in my hand was almost comforting. I know I shouldn't like the feeling but I do, it was the only pain in my life that I could control and it was intoxicating.I hovered it over my wrist knowing that it wasn't the right decision, but I want to feel the pain, I want to be in control.

Just do it already.
You know you want to.
What are you waiting for?

The voices in my head won. I brought my hand down adding pressure and gliding the razor across my wrist. It hurt so much but just seeing the scarlet liquid drip from the wound and knowing I was in full control made me feel better. I know it doesn't make sense but I don't know how else to explain it. Everything in my life has been so messed up and I didn't have a say in anything. But this....I have the power of doing this and I know it's wrong but that feeling is so addicting. Though this is what I deserved. Not just the power of control but the scars that come after, it's the meaning behind why each scar was placed that's important. I cleaned up the blood that dripped onto the floor and put a bandage on my wrist. I thought about my sister and a crushing pressure formed in my chest, I couldn't let my sister think that I was going to leave her, as much as I wanted to get out of here I couldn't because of her. It's not fair for an innocent little girl to be living a life like this, she should be having fun, not live in fear. I opened my door slightly to see if anyone was around. I heard laughing coming from downstairs which meant someone was down there with the beast. I quickly tiptoed to my sister's room and let myself in. I saw my sister on her bed in a little ball. Lights from the street was the only source of light. It cast on top of my sister and the pressure in my chest increased. I walked to her and scooped her up in my arms, she was so small and seemed so fragile in my arms. I brushed her hair back from her face. An eight year old shouldn't be living this kind of life. Her eyes fluttered open and with her voice laced with sleep she asked,  "Are we ever going to leave?"

"I'm not so sure sweetpea, it is going to be hard." 

"But I thought..."

"I know but if I left and took you with me that monster can call the police and say I kidnapped you. I would be in a lot of trouble and we would both never see each other again."

She looked down at her hands and tears started to flow freely from her empty grey eyes. I knew I had let her down.

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I know that this first chapter isn't the greatest but please keep reading, it gets better