CHAPTER 14
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KRIS POV
Joyce stopped coming over to our house ever since the night of our big fight. I don’t allow myself to miss her. So I force myself to think about what I feel is a betrayal on her part. Nasasaktan pa din ako everytime I think about it. Bakit pa niya kasi kailangan gawin yon? My heart tells me that Joyce just wants the best for me. Kris, you know that for her, it has always been about you. Kahit na, wala pa din siyang karapatan. I may be blind but I still am responsible for myself. Kaya ko mag-decide on my own.
Si Mama, alam ko na apektado din siya sa away namin ni Joyce. Nararamdaman ko na nalulungkot siya. Napamahal na din kasi si Joyce sa kaniya. She has tried on several occasions na pagbatiin kami ulit...but to no avail.
Mrs. Martin: Kris, can I talk to you?
Kris: Ma, if it’s about Joyce, wag na lang po. Don’t even try.
Mrs. Martin: Kris, alam ko nasaktan ka sa ginawa niya pero hindi mo man lang ba naisip na ikaw lang ang iniisip niya? Mahal ka ni Joyce anak. Hindi mo ba nararamdaman yun?
Kris: I don’t know what to think anymore. Honestly Ma, I’m not ready to talk about it.
Mrs. Martin: Kris…Ok, ikaw ang bahala. I just hope you and Joyce fix this up soon. Please. Wag niyo na patagalin. Alam ko nahihirapan kayong pareho.
I know that this is already PRIDE talking. But I want to give myself more time to sort my feelings out before ako makipag-usap ulit sa kanya. Up to when? Honestly, hindi ko din alam.
After several sleepless nights of weighing everything I finally made the biggest decision of my life. I didn’t know what pushed me to finally decide on this.
Kris: Ma, punta po tayo kay Doc ngayon.
Mrs. Martin: Bakit? May masakit ba sa iyo ngayon? May nararamdaman ka ba?
Kris: Wala po. May gusto lang po ako sabihin sa kanya.
Mrs. Martin:Ah ok, sige.
So we went to the hospital.
Doctor: Kris, what can I do for you? Next week pa ang check up mo diba?
Kris: Doc, I want to discuss something with you. It’s about the study.
Doc: What about it?
Kris: Uhm, doc, are you absolutely sure about this surgery?
Doctor: Kris, if there is even the remote possibility na mapapahamak ka sa surgery no ito, hindi ko to ipipilit sa iyo.
I took a deep breath. Am I ready for this life-changing decision? You have nothing to lose Kris, just do it!
Kris: Payag na po ako. I’ll agree to the surgery.
Mrs. Martin: Anak? Totoo ba ito?
Doctor: Finally! You made the right decision Kris, I promise you. I’ll call the sponsor now. I reserved a slot for you.
Mrs. Martin: Anak, are you sure about this? Sigurado ka na ba?
Kris: Yes Ma. I’m going to do this. I just hope I made the right decision.
Mrs. Martin: I’m very happy Kris. Thank you. You don’t know how happy I am with your decision. I'm sure si Joyce din, sobrang matutuwa yun.
Kris: Ma, don’t tell her na lang po.
Mrs. Martin: Hindi pa rin ba kayo nag-uusap? Alam mo anak, maganda naman ang intention ni Joyce eh. All she wants is the best for you.
Kris : Ma, I’m not ready to talk about her. I don’t want to talk about her. Please?
Mrs. Martin: Sige, ikaw ang bahala.
The next few days were very hectic. They did some more work-ups before they had me admitted for the surgery on Friday. I welcomed the busy week. This way, I didn’t have to think about Joyce. I haven’t heard from her for over a month now. Kumusta na kaya siya? I miss…No, I won’t allow myself to miss her.
The day before the surgery, I was starting to feel anxious and a bit nervous. What if hindi na naman mag-work ito? I need Joyce right this very moment. I need her to tell me that everything's going to be fine. I need her comfort. I NEED HER. But she's not here. I pushed her away. I never hated my blindness more than this very moment. I hate this situation I am in. But if I am to be true to myself I know who to hate more than anything...I HATE myself for hurting Joyce.
Mrs. Martin: Kris? May bisita ka.
Bigla ako kinabahan. Si Joyce kaya yun? Sana...
Derrick, Lexi: Surprise!
Kris: Uy, Rick, Lex, kayo pala.
Derrick: Oh, bakit parang disappointed ka? May iba ka bang hinihintay? Kakatampo ka naman pare.
Kris: Ha? Wala no! Musta na? Napadalaw ata kayo?
Lexi: Siyempre naman, moral support diba? Ano, ready ka na para bukas?
Kris: Medyo, Bahala na.
Derrick: Kaya yan pare! Isipin mo na lang after nito, you’ll be back to your old self and your old ways. Balik na ang dating Kris na kaibigan namin. You can go back to swimming, you can go back to school. HOHO na ulit tayo.
Kris: HOHO?
Lexi: Hang out hang out. Baduy mo talaga Rick!
Derrick: Haha! Sabi ko nga!
I appreciated how RIck and Lexi tried to ease my nervousness about the surgery tomorrow. Kahit paano, medyo nakalma din ako. I couldn't help but think about what Rick said that after this surgery I’ll be back to my old self and my old life…he's wrong. Mali si Rick. Kahit ano pa ang kalabasan ng operasyon na ito, things will never be the same for me. I will never be the same. My life has changed from the moment I met Joyce. And it will never be the same again.
