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I know… by this time you read this letter I'm gone. I just want to tell
you that I feel very lucky and thankful to God that I had a friend like
you. I would also like you to know that I had left something inside,
something I kept from you all these years. I love you Carlo, not in a
friendly way but as one who would feel like spending the rest of my
life with. I have always loved you even from the start. I guess it just
bloomed each day that's why the happiest days of my life was…
when you were by my side. You just don't know how I dreamed of
you at night and wake up in the morning and dream no more for you
were with me. When you were away, I can't stop crying because I
was afraid to think that you are with another girl. I just can't bear to
see you with another girl. I just want you all to myself. I may sound
selfish but that's how I feel.
Each time, you held me close to you, was like a dream coming true,
for to be close to you and feel your heart beating next to mine was
like heaven. So many things I did so that you will learn to love me
but I NEVER saw a hint. I did everything to please you because I
love you so much that I even tried to fool myself that you're in love
with me too. So many nights I've cried when I think of myself
unloved by you. Well you might think that what I'm saying are lies
but, I tell you, my heart speaks the truth for I cannot bear telling a lie
to the one I love. I know you might be thinking of Mark; but I just did
that to make you jealous, to make you see me as a young woman,
capable of loving and not as the little girl you used to play with.
Sometimes I imagined that you were jealous and fooled myself that
it was a sign that you feel something for me too. When Mark and I
broke up and I came crying, I just did that to know… how you would
react and with that I'll know that you love me too. But I failed for you
didn't give me any clue. When our prom night came, you just don't
know how happy I was when you handed me the corsage and
saying that I was the loveliest girl in the whole world. While we were
dancing, I wanted so desperately to hear you say that you love me
too but you NEVER did. When Mark came and pleaded me to give
him a second chance, I was scared that you might see us talking. I
didn't want you to get the wrong impression so I told him we would
talk in the garden. There I explained to him that it's you whom I
really love.
What happened next was that I found you missing and later learned
that you were searching for me, I just concluded that you saw us
together. The next day, I tried to explain but then you never gave me
a chance to do so. You continuously avoided me and never knew
how much pain I've experienced that time. I felt the world crushing
on me. In our Graduation day, when I approached you, I wanted to
tell you… how much I loved you but I decided that I just couldn't do
it. I could not bear to hear that all you feel for me is just brotherly
hand of love. For I want you to love me as a woman and not as a girl
or playmate. So I just turned away and left.
Now that saying I LOVE YOU might be too late, but still I want you to
know that I will always love you and my heart has always been and
will be yours alone.
P.S.: Think of me sometimes... and always remember that loving
you was the best thing that ever happened in my life.
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I felt my tears falling as I folded the letter. I wanted to shout out to let
her know that I love her, if not as much, but more than she did for
me. I love her more than anything in this world. I knelt touching the
soil of her grave and rain started to fall. I continued crying softly and
whispered, "Oh God, send my love to heaven.”
