does your stomach hurt? // philkas

chapter four

hey gang it's like 4 am and im writing this on my phone & im so mf emo about the fact that skam is over this week BUT im even more emo that eyewitness is mother fuckn over on sunday. and we dont even have a guaranteed season 2. and we probably wont get one (UPDATE ITS NOW 12:32 PM AND THE RATINGS WENT DOWN A SHIT TON MOTHER of GOD FUCKING RIP.)

LIKE ALL I WANT IS FOR LUKAS WALDENBECK AND PHILIP SHEA TO BE HAPPY & FLUFFY SOFT BFS

anyway.

--

LUKAS' POV

Laying here, with Philip, the way we are it's wrong. It has to be. It always has been. It's wrong in so many ways. Oh god, if my dad knew. I can't even begin to fathom what would happen if he found out that I was cuddling with another boy. My ass would be so dead. I would probably prefer being dead.

My body isn't supposed to flutter like this when I feel his breath on my bare chest. The way his hand is simply laying there. It's doing absolutely nothing, yet it's doing absolutely everything. When he blinks and I feel his eyelashes moving across my chest, my breath hitches. I can't fucking breathe correctly around this boy. It's like my whole world just stops spinning for a few seconds. Like everything is still, paused in a simple moment in time.

If we could stay here, like this, forever I would. Everything about it. Just to lay here in silence with the prettiest boy I've ever seen, shirtless.

Why did it have to be me? Why did I have to be the one to have feelings for a guy? Why did Philip have to move to this town out of all the towns in New York? Oh god, why?

I know this is all so wrong. I know that I shouldn't be feeling these things. So why do I feel this way? Why do I feel like my whole world would fall apart if I stopped this. I have to stop this. It's not okay.

Everyone would look at me differently. I wouldn't be the cool mysterious popular kid anymore. I'd be the laughing stock of the school. Everyone would feed on the idea of two boys liking each other. It's insane. Why in the world did it have to be me? Why couldn't it be someone else, someone better. He deserves that. Philip deserves better.

For god sakes, I even have a girlfriend. Here I am, lying in a bed, in a cabin, half naked, in the middle of the woods with another person. It wasn't just another person though, it was a boy. I never really liked Rose, but she was always there. Always saving me from myself. Always supportive of my motocross and just me in general. Yeah, sure, we have done some stupid things that wouldn't of happened if it wasn't for her, but she was always there to fix it.

I snapped out of all of my thoughts as soon as I heard his voice, it was more than his normal speaking voice, it was raspy, it was hot. "What're you thinking about?" I swallowed, really hard. I almost choked in the process. I didn't wanna tell him, I didn't wanna hurt him. I couldn't. Here he was, laying on my chest, focused on tracing little designs on my chest with his finger. He was too precious.

"Nothing really, but we should get going, it's getting late." I stated as my gaze drifted off towards the window, where there was no light.

"Yeah, let's go." He pushed himself up, looking around the floor for his shirt and jacket. Though, he looked pretty good without it on. All I could do was just sit there, staring at the artwork before my eyes.

--

PHILIP'S POV

"What happens now? After all of this? If I see you tomorrow in school? What happens? " I didn't wanna ask, but I knew I had to. I just need to know. I avoided his gaze, trying to focus on something else, knowing his answer would hurt.

"I- I don't know. You can't tell anyone this happened. It couldn't of happened."

----------

this is rly short o well all my updates are short even though i always promise myself that ill make them longer lmao rip

but yall im so fucccccckn emo over the fact that usa might cancel eyewitness with the ratings this low. like i may or may not have sent them a long ass email. but lol whatever ill just go choke in my sleep lmfaooo

but ay if u got twitter follow me : jamespaxtyo