Wallflowers

11 mai

nina and jean sat with me at the café this morning and invited me to a party they were throwing at their apartment. it was in honor of their friend gabriel's birthday.

"is it okay if i go and i don't know gabriel?"

"oh, yeah. he'll be too drunk to even notice that you're there," nina reassured me.

"you guys drink?"

they started laughing and suddenly i felt self-conscious again. "when should i get there?"

"about 22h30?"

"no, when does it start?"

jean smirked. "it starts at 22h30, adrien."

i felt my eyes pop out of my head and they both laughed hysterically at me. the roses in my cheeks bloomed again. i let myself smile a little despite my embarrassment. i just wondered how i would get out of the house that late without grandfather seeing.

i took a nap during the day so i wouldn't be tired for the party and spent the rest of the evening after that picking out what i would wear. i decided on a pair of tan trousers and a mustard button-up with a vest and a cravat.

later that night, i snuck down the stairs and out of the front door, listening to my heart beating in my ears. i made my way down to their apartment building.

i asked someone in the lobby where the elevator was and they just looked at me strangely and didn't answer. i took the stairs instead. when i knocked no one answered (probably because the music was so loud) so i let myself in. it was much more uproarious than i expected. my lungs couldn't seem to get enough air as i made my way around the crowd of people looking for jean. i couldn't see how gabriel or jean or nina could possibly know this many people. finally i found nina in the kitchen and drifted toward her. she took one look at me then burst into laughter. my face flushed with redness again. she grabbed my hand and pulled me to a bedroom in the back and shut the door so it was quieter.

"what are you wearing?"

"what do you mean?"

"you look like you're trying to buy the apartment building or something," she said, crossing her arms and taking in my outfit. "do you want to wear some of jean's stuff?" she didn't give me an answer before she started digging through his closet.

"he wasn't always that skinny, he might have something that could fit. i don't know if he was ever as big as you, though."

i certainly didn't think i was "big" but now i felt even worse than i did when she started laughing at me the first time.

jean's room was very plain looking, which didn't really fit his personality. everything was grey or white or black. i was confused until nina opened his closet, which was where his personality really spilled out. and i mean spilled out. he had clothes jam-packed on the hanging rod, all over the closet floor, strewn over shelves, and tucked into crevices in the back. nina had a difficult time browsing through it all.

she threw a t-shirt at me and some brown shorts. "hey, what shoe size do you wear?"

"44."

she dug around some more and found a pair of size 44 white lace-up sneakers. "put all of that on."

i stood there holding the clothes and staring at her, waiting for her to leave. she just stood there. "oh! oh, okay, i'll get out."

i changed out of my vest, button-up, trousers, and dress shoes and put on jean's clothes. they were a little tight on me, but the shirt was very, very comfortable. i started thinking about how much stuff has happened for me to end up in this situation, and got lost in my thoughts. i stared at myself in the mirror for a while before nina came in and interrupted me, gasping, "you look so good!"

i thanked her and she led me back out. i lost her in the sea of people that somehow crammed into their little apartment. i looked around and couldn't see anyone i knew anymore. i felt so vulnerable and out of place. it was a strange experience.

a hand clasped me on the back and i turned to see jean. "adrien! you look so weird like that! i'm used to seeing you all fancy," he laughed obnoxiously and i knew he was already drunk. he grabbed my hand and pulled me through the crowd. i tried to ignore the rosebuds blooming on my face when he took my hand. he led me to the couch, where nina sat with the cotton candy haired girl julie in her lap. on the other chairs and the floor sat other people i didn't know. jean sat me down on the couch then sat next to me.

nina leaned over to me. "do you want a beer, adrien?"

i said sure and she disappeared for a few minutes then came back with a bottle. i took a sip and the taste wasn't very good but wasn't bad enough to stop drinking it. i looked over at nina and she was smiling at me.

"have you never had a beer before?" julie asked me.

"no," i said honestly.

"how old are you, adrien?" nina asked.

"i turned eighteen two months ago."

"aww, you're like a baby! oh my god!"

my face turned red again. i turned over to jean, who seemed to have forgotten about me already. after a long while of me nervously taking sips of my beer and sitting quietly as the group of friends talked, i snuck out of the middle. i threw away my empty bottle and went to the kitchen for another, then walked out onto the dinky little balcony hanging off the back of the apartment. there was a girl smoking a cigarette by herself on it, but otherwise it was empty.

as the night passed, i lost count of how many beers i drank and never actually met gabriel, who the party was for. i decided i should go home somewhere around 01h30. i vaguely remember nina and julie insisting they walk me home. they walked me to my door then headed back to the party and i fell asleep as soon as i laid in my bed.

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sorry for the long chapter!!