When Nico was a kid, he used to scroll past the memes on tumblr with the women looking thoughtfully out the window with the caption "when will bae come back from war". Now, the harsh reality was present in his life. Having a loved one away at war didn't leave you sitting at a window, looking past the glass lost in thought.
Ever since his husband left sixteen months ago, Nico has felt so lonely. He wasn't physically lonely. His sister, Hazel, often visited him and he hung out with his friends and conducted life fairly normally. He even had their dogs, Charlie the beagle and Sam the black lab, to keep him company.
No, this loneliness wasn't physical, but he could feel it. He could feel it in the silence of their shared home at night. He could feel it in the cold their bed each night because Will wasn't there to warm it, to warm him. Mostly he could feel it in the hole in his heart that Will's presence filled entirely.
What he thought to be specifically peculiar was how heavy that emptiness seemed to be. It was as if the hole in his heart weighed down his entire being, which didn't really seem possible but it was how Nico felt.
The worst was at night, when Nico screamed himself awake in a cold sweat, tears running down his face. Nearly every night he would have these dreams. No, not dreams. Nightmares. He would experience one of the two scenarios:
The first was where he was making his dinner in the kitchen. He would just be putting his plate on the table when he'd hear the doorbell ring.
Ever since Will went off to fight for our country, Nico was sent into a panic every time the doorbell rang, especially when he wasn't expecting anyone.
He would make his way towards the front door, heart pounding, and open it to see exactly what he was dreading. Two men in uniforms would offer him condolences and a folded up American flag. Nico would be standing there numb, not hearing a word they said. As they walked away after their speech, Nico would shut the front door and turn, leaning his back against the door. That's when the truth would sink in and he'd slide to the door, sobbing his heart out, face buried in the flag given to him by the military men.
The other, much more emotionally crippling nightmare was him standing in the desert, unable to speak, unable to move while the war would go on around him. People were shooting guns, hidden behind mounds of sand or bushes.
Suddenly, an unfamiliar soldier would fall at his feet, a gunshot having hit him in the stomach. Then, Will would come running, barely recognizable under fatigues, to help the wounded man since he was the field medic. As Will was taking care of the injured man, an armed enemy would pop up over the nearest mound of sand and would aim his gun right for Will. Each time, Nico would scream, cry, try to move or run, anything. But nothing worked. And each time he would watch as Will got shot, then hit in the blast of a grenade. Feeling the shrapnel pierce his skin in the nightmare was nothing compared to the agonizing pain of having to watch his beloved die a painful death.
But the worst was when he woke up, alone and cold. He used to have Will next to him; someone to protect him when the dreams got bad, to reassure him they were just dreams. Now, he was left wondering. Wondering if Will really was okay. Wondering if he, himself, was okay. He didn't really turn to anyone else to help him during this time. He didn't like burdening other people with his issues, nor did he feel comfortable sharing his emotions with anyone except his beloved husband.
And the nightmares only seemed to add to the darkness that had been surrounding him since Will left, taking over the light that Will had helped instill inside of him.
However, about once a month, the light left got a little bit brighter when he received his letter from Will in the mail.
The base Will was on had extremely limited contact with the world outside. There was no internet connection or ability to use phones. The only communication Nico could have with Will was through letters, making each one he received, a gift from God.
