Here's to a forgiving heart,
And the sadness I pile onto it.
Maybe I'll learn one day,
That some smiles aren't genuine.
Here's to the laughs I force,
With eyes that show no pain.
Those acting classes sure paid off,
So why do I feel so ashamed?
Maybe its because I don't speak,
When I am bothered by the ones I love.
Maybe its because my feelings I swallow,
As I curse the man above.
Why does it hurt when I am left alone?
What makes me think that they don't care?
I over think it too much,
I'm causing my own despair.
I have to remind myself,
That these people do not mean me harm.
To not act as naïve as I did before,
Remember that all stories have a part.
The truth is I hate being vulnerable,
To my own feelings that is.
I feel as if my wall has been broken,
And somehow they got in.
The little comments,
And the sweet gestures that they make.
I may not be religious,
But I pray that none of it is fake.
I don't want to break again,
I don't want to start over.
I want to stay right here,
Even if that means never moving forward.
Finding happiness wasn't attainable,
Not to me anyway.
I always saw the darker side of things,
I didn't rely on anyone to light the way.
I wouldn't say I'm happy now,
Not even a little.
But I think I know a way there,
Even if the path is a bit brittle.
I will remember,
That friends can break your heart too.
But I will not let it run me over,
And play me for a fool.
I may not be the most positive person,
And I may not have much ground.
I lose myself easily,
But my pack I have found.
So here's to finding my light,
And may they never know.
That sometimes I may break,
But I will never get too low.
