Post Mockingjay

Chapter 7

I sit down at the kitchen table. I realize I am not good at making choices. I never have been. I decide to pick up the phone, and call my mother. It seems weird to me that I can tell other, yet I cannot tell the man who would want to know the most about my pregnancy. 

My hands are shaky as I dial the number. It rings only a few times before I hear my mothers voice on the other end. Normally, I would not come to her with this. Even after all these years, our relationship has not been completely fixed. It is much better, but I am still hesistant for some reason. But this is her area- she would know information about this subject. 

I can't remember many times when my mothers voice was this comforting. 

"Mom? Hey Mom. Mom- I need to tell you something. I don't know how to say this mom." I manage quickly before I fall into another bout of tears. When did I become such a cry baby? Oh right, very recently. 

"Katniss? Katniss honey, what's wrong?" She asks, and has to repeat a few times.

"I'm pregnant." I finally get out,

"Oh, Katniss, why are you crying? This is wonderful! Did you tell Peeta yet? What did he say? Katniss, why are you crying?"

"Because I am scared." I tell her. She understand. She lost her child. She stopped being a mother. She knows exactly why I never wanted to be a mother. She is the main reason I never wanted to be a mother. 

"Katniss, don't worry. You are going to be a great mother. I understand you are afraid, but there is no need to be afraid. I am guessing this means you haven't told Peeta yet?

"I guess. And no, I haven't told him. I don't know how." I confess.

"Just tell him. If you get scared, think about how happy he is going to be. Do you want me to come down to 12?"

"Okay. And no, focus on your work. I love you. Bye!"

"Bye, my new little mother." She tells me before hanging up. I suppose she is right. I have nothing to fear. I can say it over and over, but everytime I close my eyes I do still fear. I think of my mother. If she survived all of this, I can too. I can for Peeta. He deserves that and more. I can tell him I am afraid, and he can help me. I remember something someone, somewhere once told me.

"Fears grow larger the more you try to hide them." 

Maybe just talking about it will help me. I am relieved about my choice. My mother was right, I just need to think of how happy Peeta will be. I want to really surprise him, but I don't know what to do. I am not good with being creative and cutesy, so I guess I will just tell him. He will be happy enough with the news that no big presentation is needed. There are still a few hours before he is to arrive, and I am not sure I can keep up my choice. The more time I have to think about it, the more dangerous it is. 

It is a confusing predicament I am in. On one hand, if I wait, I may lose my resolve. On the other hand, I do not feel ready to tell Peeta. I would go to the woods, but that doesn't feel right as I had just seen Gale there last night.

Oh, right. Gale is coming back later. I don't even knew when. 

It seems like everytime something bad happens, other bad things have to follow. My life has never been easy, but I had finally put it back together, and now it is falling apart again. I guess it really shouldn't be, but I cannot control my emotions and my fears. I wish I could run from them, but of course, wherever I run , they follow because they are inside me. It is growing inside me. 

I think back to the game I play on hard days. Every good thing someone has ever done.

Thresh sparing me in the first games.

Finnick saving Peeta in the second.

Cinna helping me create an image that most likely was one reason I survived.

Peeta's father making sure Prim was eating.

The list goes on and on. It has a calming effect. Remembering that even in the darkest moments, good exists helps me keep a grip on sanity. 

I look at the clock again and see an entire hour has passed. Time really flys when you are stuck inside your head. More time passes, and finally Peeta comes home. I had gone ahead an cooked a small meal, nothing special. We settle in at the table. I stare at my plate as he asks me about my day. 

"It was okay. Gale could only stop by for a moment. I don't know when he is coming back, but I guess tomorrow or something." I tell him, still staring at the plate.

"Katniss, is there something wrong? You seem upset," he says. This is it. I have to tell him now. I peek up quickly to see he is trying to figure out what is going on in my head. I don't even know what is going on in my head. I take a deep breath and try to find the words. They are like glue in my mouth. The stick there, not wanting to come out. 

Finally, I spit them out, "I'm pregnant, Peeta." I tell him. When I look up he is still staring, his eyes full of shock as he processes this information. Why is he still staring? Isn't he going to say something. 

"Real or Not Real?" He asks me. I can see this mix of emotions in his eyes, the hope, exciment, maybe even an edge of worry.

"Real," I tell him. At the sound of those words he bounds out of his chair and swoops me up. 

disclaimer, i is not be owning da hunga gamez